A Conversation with my 16-year old Self

Sometimes I hear my 16-year old self talking to me. She’s whispering her hopes and dreams, her fears and her longings. Sometimes I have to set her straight about the reality of what the 29 year old she will become can actually accomplish. Few 29 year olds are millionaires or married to millionaires. :) Other times I can feel her joy when she looks at the life I’ve been able to build and the things with which I’ve been blessed.

I do often wonder what my former self would think of my life at this point. Like most teenagers, I had dreams of being wildly successful, married to an amazingly good-looking, kind and rich man, and somehow moving from my awkward stage to being drop-dead gorgeous. Clearly, I have not accomplished any of these dreams! Thankfully, my perspective has changed. I do think my 16 year old self would be pretty happy with where my life is today, though. Why? Well, here are a few reasons:

Confidence: As much as I tried to portray confidence as a 16 year old, I was unbelievably insecure. I think most people are to some extent, but I was pretty extreme. A tiny bit of the confidence I have now comes from maturing some, but most all of it comes from understanding who I am as a Child of God and a part of His Kingdom. I definitely didn’t understand that at 16, and I’m so thankful that I’m able to understand it now.

Location: From the time I was 10 or so I always loved the DC area. I visited Annapolis for the first time at 13, and I’ve loved it ever since. I never planned to end up where I am, but it’s been the perfect place so far. 16 year old Page would love being near the fast pace of the city, yet living a mile or so from the Chesapeake Bay. Most of the time, my life seems to be the perfect combination of fast-paced and laid-back all wrapped into one.

Friends: 16 year old Page struggled with friendships. I was so afraid of being hurt, that I never gave freely of my friendship and was afraid to take much in return. That was very limiting. As I’ve grown spiritually and emotionally, I’ve learned how to love my friends with abandon, regardless of their flaws and whether or not I think they will hurt me in the end. A lot of this goes back to confidence, as well. I have true and close friends in many places that I can count on for most anything.

Attitude: Somehow, I’ve turned back into a fairly positive person. I went through a negative and complaining stage from about 14-25…and I’ve slowly been moving back to the joyful, optimistic child that I was many moons ago. For a long time, I didn’t realize that this change was happening. People would refer to me as “positive”…and I would laugh. Truly, that turn about has only occurred by the grace of God!

Most often though, it’s the little things that cause my 16-year old self to smile. The things that go along with being a self-supporting, slightly successful single woman near a city (like the alliteration there? :) ) Things like taking a bubble bath at 11 PM with Ella Fitzgerald on my iPod, a good book in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. Or sitting on the sofa with my roommate laughing about nothing. Walking to chorus rehearsal in downtown Annapolis with a coffee in my hand and light snow falling. Having a fancy dinner out with my closest friends “just because”. These are the small things that I am thankful for, and that I think she would be pleased about. So even though I haven’t accomplished her wildest dreams, I am content. And contentment is what I think she longed for most.