A Series of Open Letters

Dear Starbucks Triple Grande Iced Latte,

I definitely thought you would taste the same with nonfat milk instead of 2%. But you don't. You are more like watery coffee. Next time, I will not try to save the 40 calories and 5g of fat and just order you the way you are.

Signed,

Addicted to Caffeine

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Dear A/C in my car,

Why oh why did you have to spring a leak over the winter? Two leaks, in fact? Fixing you (and the tensioner belt that made you whine so noisily) cost all of the cash I had put aside for the MacBook I am seriously coveting. It was a hard decision to have you fixed...but one day of sweating through my shirt on the way home from work convinced me. You know that I don't like to spend on credit or my "regular" savings, so it looks like I'll have to wait until the Fall to actually have a home computer that can open iTunes in less than 5 minutes. Thanks.

Signed,
No Longer Sweating During My Commute

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Dear Gilbert and Sullivan Theater Co I sang with last summer,

Do you really have to be located in Baltimore? If you were somewhere closer to me...say Odenton, or even ya know....Bowie....I totally would have come back this summer. Well, that and if I could skip the auditions...seeing as how I depise auditions! I'm a lowly choral singer...singing by myself makes me want to cry! Oh well, I will miss you this summer...but my waistline and Triathlon finish time will be much happier!

Signed,
A former Chorus member

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Dear MacBook,

I promise I am doing everything I can to acquire you. But do you have to be soooo ridiculously expensive? If you were say....$500 cheaper I could definitely acquire you now. But you aren't, so I'll have to wait until the Fall. In the meantime, I'll be the one drooling on the window of the Apple Store as I covet you...

Signed,
Your future owner

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Dear Couple making out in Lane 1 (the widest lane) of the Swim Center,

Ewwww. Just ewwwww. Don't you see the folks around you completely grossed out by your PDA? And seriously, other people are waiting for a lane to swim. If you want to make out, you should probably head to the shallow end with the kiddies. And young man, I'm sure you think you get a better swim workout with your girlfriend hanging onto your neck as you doggie paddle down the lane, but we'd all be better off if you just swam on your own.

Signed,
The swimmer in lane 3 who was shooting you dirty looks

P.S. Could you also please tell your girlfriend that strolling around naked in the locker room is a bit off-putting as well?

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Dear Bike,

Oh how I love you! I mean, I definitely enjoyed my time with you last summer, but this year I've really noticed how nice a ride you have. Even after 20 miles, you glide effortlessly down the road. You are worth every penny I paid for you!

Love,
Your smitten rider