Lent Begins Tomorrow

I haven't always given things up for Lent.  In college and just after college the churches I attended were more "evangelical" (if that really means anything anymore) and didn't really celebrate Lent, per se.  I did give up chocolate one year in college.  That was rough.

My husband doesn't always give something up...he often adds something into his life for the season of Lent.  This year, I've combined the two into a plan that will certainly make me more dependent on the Lord, and hopefully instill some extra discipline into my life.  My current life-theme is Balance...and this plan helps with that, I think.

The first part of my plan doesn't really have anything to do with Lent, although it will likely cause me to pray, examine, and depend on Jesus more.  After talking with my doctor, I believe it is time for me to slowly wean myself off my long-term anti-anxiety medication.  I'll start by cutting my daily dose in half (which will be the dose I was actually on to start with).  Then, if that succeeds, I'll continue to taper the dose over the next 6 months or so...and see what happens.  If I start to have problems...then I will chat with my doc again, and we'll figure something out.  I'm not opposed to being on medication (I haven't really experienced any side-effects other than mild weight gain), but it is preventing me from taking some steps in my life that I feel are next for me.

I have to admit, since I started feeling so much better anxiety-wise (likely a combo of hormones re-balancing, medication, therapy, etc), I've gotten kind of lazy in taking natural steps to reduce my anxiety.  So, my Lenten disciplines this year will be things that are good/healthy for me in general, but especially helpful in managing and preventing anxiety.

Lenten discipline #1- Exercise every day of Lent

This one isn't especially difficult for me.  I was exercising practically every day last summer anyway.  And recently, I've still been exercising 3-5 days a week.  But exercise really is key to combating anxiety for me, so as I transition to less medication, I know I'll need to be more diligent that I have been about exercise.

Lenten discipline #2- Get up at 7 AM every day...even on the weekends

Those of you who know me well are laughing right now.  I am NOT a morning person.  I've gotten even worse lately...to the point that I don't shower every morning (mostly because I'll be showering after working out in the afternoon).  It's not a terrible thing, but arising later and feeling rushed in the morning doesn't start the day off well for me.  One thing that my counselor has suggested from day one is getting up early, going to the kitchen, and just sitting and drinking coffee.  And reading, writing, staring...whatever helps me slowly awaken and not feel rushed.  So I'm going to try this.  I hope I'm successful.  It will also mean being disciplined and going to bed earlier than I usually want to in order to get enough rest.  We'll see...

Lenten discipline #3- No alcohol

I love wine.  I really do.  Not for the buzz or the relaxation factor, but the taste.  And, ok...I like beer, too.  And the occasionally whiskey. But I do notice a difference in how I feel anxiety-wise the day after I've had any alcohol.  I've given up alcohol for Lent before.  It wasn't that difficult.  It may be more so this time.  But I believe it is another key to keeping myself balanced with less medication.

My husband is participating with me in all 3 of my Lenten disciplines.  I'm so thankful for him and his support.  He has been a rock for me over the past year of learning, and balancing, and adjusting. 

I slept in a bit this morning, have not exercised, and plan on having a glass of wine this evening.  So until tomorrow...laissez les bon temps roulez!

3 Months Later...

Wow.  Considering I used to blog weekly, I guess blogging is something that has gone by the wayside for me.  But that is ok...this is really just an outlet for me.  A way to get my thoughts out of my head, and on the screen.  And it is fun to read back and remember where I was a year, or two, or nine ago. :)

But I've been doing well!  Life-wise, health-wise, spirit-wise, anxiety-wise...I'm learning what balance looks like for me.  The balance between being in control and giving up control to God, being busy enough...but not too busy.  Taking care of my appearance, my home, and my marriage...but not letting those things become idols.  It's a lot, but I'm learning.  Baby steps are key.

I come up with lots of plans for controlling things...and then scrap them.  I'm learning how to be less critical of myself.  If I want to lie around and snuggle with the cats and watch TV instead of clean the house...that's ok.  Grace instead of the endless pursuit of unattainable perfection.

I've gained 10 pounds since I started taking anti-anixety meds.  It's probably a combination of increased appetite from the meds, the holidays, the fact that I'm drinking wine again (in moderation, of course), and the fact that I feel 1000% better than I did this summer and have my appetite back.  My first instinct was to beat myself up about it.  I lost and gained back the same 10 pounds in a year.  Bad Page.  But you know what?  I'm learning to give myself grace about that, too.  I eat relatively healthily and I exercise 3-5 times a week.  Most of my clothes still fit.  I'm healthy, and my husband is still quite attracted to me.  Aren't those the important things anyway?  I'm going to be slowly cutting back my medication soon with my doctor's guidance (more on that later, perhaps), so we'll see if that makes a difference.  If not, I'll keep plugging away eating healthier and exercising more, and we'll see.  Again, I'm learning.

So that's my update for my 2 readers.  I may be back to write more later...maybe not.  But either way, I'll do my best to avoid beating myself up about not writing!