My Struggles with Anxiety: The Physical Aspects

**I find writing about this struggle to be very cathartic, and I hope what I share about my experiences will help others.  To keep my thoughts organized, I've divided my posts on anxiety into a couple of categories.  Otherwise, my posts would probably be rambling and go on forever!  If you are just now catching up, you should go back and read my first post about my anxiety story.**

***Also, I'm not a healthcare professional and don't necessarily recommend or endorse any particular method of dealing with anxiety.  My coping mechanisms and medications work for me, but everyone's experience with anxiety is different.  If you are struggling with anxiety, I recommend seeing a licensed mental health professional who can help you find the strategies that work best for you.***

One thing I have learned a lot during this struggle has been the significance of the body/mind connection.  I always knew that they were connected...stress in the mind can weaken your immune system, if you get nervous, your body responds, etc.  But until I started having the panic associated with anxiety, I never fully understood the connectivity.  And for me, even though the panic often feels random...there is something happening in my mind that triggers it.  Whether it is the thought of some health-related concern, hearing something disturbing on TV, being in a stressful situation, or even having some kind of random thought pop in my head...these are all things that can bring on the panic.  And when I have the panic...it is definitely physical.  The adrenaline, the racing heart, tight chest, difficulty breathing.  But now that I know what is happening, I'm usually able to calm myself down.  Belly breathing, relaxing my shoulders, and verbally telling myself I am fine really help.  This aspect of the panic is the easiest to control.

From what I understand from medical professionals, the times that my anxiety seems "random" is often because the serotonin levels in my brain drop.  For some people, a drop in serotonin causes depression.  For others, it is anxiety.  For some people, it's both.  For me...I think I am most likely to have anxiety...but sometimes that anxiety causes me to feel depressed.  I now believe the easiest way to control serotonin levels is with medication.  Of course, I never take the easy way out, so I started trying to boost my serotonin levels with exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep.  Those all helped a lot, but at this time in my life, they aren't enough for me.  I think exercise is THE most important natural remedy for anxiety.  It has been my number one go-to solution when I feel anxious.  I almost always feel better after a good run or walk.  Unfortunately, the effects for me only last about 6 hours or so, and I don't get the chance to exercise twice a day.

Serotonin levels also fluctuate for a lot of women because of their menstrual cycle.  Enter PMS.  Or PMDD.  I see links between my anxiety levels and my cycle...but it is not definitive.  I do find though, that I am much more likely to experience the physical effects of anxiety from a week to a day or so before my period starts.

Often, when I am very anxious, I can't eat very much.  The 4 or 5 days I had in June and July where I couldn't shake the anxiety, I wasn't able to eat more than soup and crackers.  I've actually lost 10 lbs in the past 6 months.  Some of it has been healthy...some of it not.  I think a lot was due to the fact that I doubled my exercise level, but some is likely because of the days I couldn't eat much at all.  It has stayed off for awhile now, even though I'm feeling and eating better.  So that is one of the silver linings, at least!

I am a very anti-medication person.  Mostly because any type of medication affects me drastically.  I often have the opposite reaction to meds (i.e. Benadryl hypes me up...Dayquil makes me drowsy, etc). I also recognize that a number of my anxiety issues in the past few months have occurred because of changes in blood pressure medication.  I think I just need to accept the fact that I am very sensitive to body chemistry changes and be prepared when I know I will be switching medication.  I know my medication aversion is likely the main reason I was so hesitant to go on anti-anxiety meds for so long.  Well, that and I'm self-reliant and stubborn.  And I also felt like taking meds would mean I'm weak.  Plus, there is such a social stigma when it comes to mental illness and medication.  I will never feel the same about hearing someone say "Take a chill pill" (why yes, I think I will...I now have them!), or "She's going to end up on Prozac one day" (I'm not on Prozac...but it's the sentiment, not the drug).  I was even kind of embarrassed to pick up my drugs at the pharmacy.  But after 3 days of barely functioning while popping a "short-term" benzodiazapene that didn't really work for me (Xanax), I could have kissed the pharmacist when he handed me my prescription for a slower-acting, longer-lasting anti-anxiety med (Clonazepam).

Going on meds is the best thing I've done to manage my anxiety.  I had so many reservations about it...so many side effects, thinking I would feel emotionless and drugged...none of those stereotypes were true for me.  They make so many medications these days that have different chemical formulas and work in such different ways that there is likely one out there for everyone.  Thankfully, we found the right one for me (Citolopram) on the first try.  The long-term meds can take 4-6 weeks to kick in.  Because of this, I don't recommend waiting to take them until you hit rock-bottom like I did.  It's been a slow road back up...I know it was the Lord's will because I've learned so much through it...but boy.  Not. Easy.  I didn't really experience any of the side effects that you hear about either.  And I feel SO much better.  I can't even begin to describe it.  If you think meds might help you...please don't be like me and let your pride and self-reliance get in the way.  I believe that God allowed humans to create these drugs to help us.  If I lived 50 years ago...I don't know how I would have dealt with this anxiety.

I don't know if I will always have to take medication, or if it is something that I will use now to help me get back to normal and learn how to deal with the effects of serotonin drops and anxiety on my own.  I take the long-term med every day....and I have the benzodiazepene if I am panicked or really just can't control my anxious thoughts.  I call it the "thought loop".  Honestly though, since the long-term med has kicked in during the past month, I have only needed the benzodiazepene once or twice.  Benzodiazepenes are habit-forming, so I try to only take it if I really feel like nothing else has worked. But it is nice to have in my toolbox.  If I start to feel anxious, I use my breathing and other coping skills first.  If I haven't calmed down or kicked myself out of the thought loop in 30 minutes to an hour, then I take one.  I used to feel guilty about it, or like I had "failed".  Now, I just accept that it is a tool like anything else...Advil, cold medicine, medicated lip balm...things that help me feel better.

Again, these are things that have worked for ME to help with the physical aspects of anxiety.  I share so that you know where I am coming from.  If you are someone who struggles with anxiety, only a healthcare professional can help you figure out what will work for you.  But, know that there is help with medication, and no shame in accepting that help.