"Grow Where You are Planted"

As I began to explore some of the environmental reasons for my anxiety, I began to realize that since I've been married, I haven't really felt like my home is my home.  Sure, J and I own a house...yes, I clean it...yes I spend lots of time in it (not as much as I'd like)...but my house and my city (Baltimore) didn't feel like home.  They were places that I spent some time and slept, but not where I felt I could relax.  I noticed this most when I would spend time at my old home in Annapolis and feel completely relaxed.  So I started praying and thinking about how I could make my home feel more like, well, my Home.

As I began to think and pray about this, the phrase that kept being pressed on my mind and heart was "Grow where you are planted".  When J and I were married, I quickly uprooted my "home life" and moved it to Baltimore.  But I still spent a lot of my free time in Annapolis.  Chorus, church, social life...all based in Annapolis.  And then I would drive home at night to sleep.  Baltimore is a tough city for running errands, so I even often did my grocery shopping in Annapolis.  If I think about my plant analogy, it's like I pulled up my deep roots from Annapolis and never replanted them in Baltimore.  I just kept transplanting myself on a daily or weekly basis, without giving myself the opportunity to put down roots and grow where I've been planted.

I really love Baltimore (you can read about my initial thoughts on the city here), so I don't think that is the issue.  We just don't know each other very well yet.  I know how to get to and from my house in the city...to and from J's workplace...to and from a few friend's houses...but that is about it.  I can go to the grocery store, and get downtown to the movie theater.  So I want to do some exploring in the city this winter...learn about new neighborhoods, and just spend time getting to know Baltimore more intimately.

I also want to be a part of seeing the city transformed.  Baltimore has a reputation as a gritty, violent city (just watch the Wire...some parts of it are pretty darn accurate), but for all of that there are some wonderful people and places here.  As I was thinking and praying about making the City feel more like my home, I had the opportunity to attend a Ravens Game (you can read my recap here).  I was meeting friends at the game, so I rode the light rail down to the stadium by myself.  As I was getting ready to purchase a ticket, a young-ish guy handed me his all-day pass and said, "Don't buy a ticket..this is one is good for the rest of the day!".  I wondered if there was some catch or he was playing a joke on me (isn't it sad that in our day and time that is the first thing we think at the sign of kindness from a stranger?).  Then, I sat next to an older man on the light rail and we chatted about the city and the game and football.  While we were on the crowded train, I saw a young man in a Ravens jersey jump up to give his seat to two older ladies who got on.  Then, at the game, I was overwhelmed with the spirit of community that a city can feel because of its sports teams.  I think we are all longing for a sense of community, and Baltimore has the potential for a great one.  These glimpses really began to soften my heart towards the city...all while I was praying and pondering about growing where I am planted.

As I began to explore opportunities in my neighborhood to get involved in community development, I had to laugh at God's timing and sense of humor.  One of the main community gathering spots in my "transitional" neighborhood is a resident-run community farm.  This space was a vacant lot on one of the druggi-er streets in the neighborhood that some residents decided to turn into a community garden.  It started about the time we moved into our house, and has become a full on farm with a hoop house and even a CSA.  Because of my busy schedule I haven't really had a chance to visit or volunteer yet, but I want to make it a priority as my schedule slows down for the winter. Growing where I am planted, indeed!

Then, I decided to attend a church in my neighborhood that has sent us fliers in the past.  It seems like a really solid church and is very involved in the community.  While I'm not sure that I can tear up the roots I've planted at my current church in Annapolis, I enjoyed the service and I'd love to get involved in their work in the community.  Maybe I will eventually switch churches...but as I've learned with my anxiety, it's best to not make lots of changes at once!  The name of this church...The Garden!  Yes, Lord...I'm getting the point!  Grow where I am planted!

I often think that getting married and moving to a new city would have been much easier had I moved somewhere further away....where I couldn't be involved in my previous social life, church, chorus, etc.  To have uprooted myself and had to immediately put down new roots.  But I don't think that was God's plan for me, as I've learned much about myself, my husband, my friends, and my God through this process.  I'm not through all of the hard parts yet, but I'm hoping that by forcing my roots to grow deeper in Baltimore and feeding my spiritual, mental, and physical being that the city and my home there will continue to feel more and more like my Home on this earth.