With all of the "tornadoes" going on in my life right now, I keep forgetting to blog about what I've given up for Lent. First of all, I should say that in my life I've gone back and forth about giving things up....whether I think it's legalistic or a good discipline to master. I've given things up such as soda, broccoli (a teenage rebellious stage- I hate broccoli), and chocolate (twice). So far, chocolate has been the most difficult to eliminate from my life. Each time, I ended up gorging myself on copious amounts of chocolate Easter morning.
This year, my first inclination was to give up tv. I really don't watch that much during the week because I am not home for very long in the evenings. However, I do spend a fair amount of time watching tv on the weekends. The issue with giving up tv was that I needed to also talk my roommate into giving it up. No such luck. So I moved on to eating out.
Now, eating out is something I do way too frequently. I eat out about once or twice a week for lunch (usually chick-fil-a or some sort of burrito), and about 3 or 4 times a week for dinner. Way too much, I know. As much as I tried to cut back to once a week, when all of my friends were going out, I had a problem eating beforehand instead of eating with them. So, while giving up eating out for Lent is a spiritual discipline and a type of fast for me, it is also an interesting experiment in willpower.
From the beginning of February until now, I have not eaten out once. That includes fast food, and carryout. My one exception would be the night my roommate brought home leftover carryout pizza. That one didn't feel like it broke the rules for me. Not eating chick-fil-a has been the hardest, since it is my most favorite place to eat lunch (or breakfast or dinner, for that matter). The tangible, non-spiritual benefits have been to my pocketbook and my waistline. In 4 weeks, my food budget has essentially been cut in half, and I've lost 3 pounds. I haven't made any other changes in my diet or exercise plan, so it must be from not eating out.
I find that I am much more creative with food at home when I don't eat out. I'm also more likely to finish leftovers. However, I did have a hard time last Sunday when our fridge and freezer were devoid of food. I hadn't been to the grocery yet, and I had to be somewhere in 30 minutes. Normally, I would have just run by and grabbed something from McDonald's, but that is against my Lenten discipline. :) So, I decided to make an egg sandwich. Which would have been great, but our bread was moldy. So, I had an egg for lunch before sitting through a 2.5 hour ballet. By the end, I was starving. Thankfully, Maureen made dinner, so I was able to eat fairly quickly!
What I've learned from the experiment part of this is that I really need to curb my eating out tendencies. It is possible to eat a sandwich at home and still go out with friends while they eat out. It's also fun to be creative with food. So, when Lent is over, I'm going to try and continue to eat out much less- really just 2 times a week- one lunch and one dinner. I think that is fair. That way, I'll hopefully still enjoy the benefits of not eating out while enjoying the pleasures I get from eating out.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tornado Dreams
I always know that I'm feeling helpless about something in my life when I start having tornado dreams. In the dream, I'm in a house or a car and I see a tornado coming. There is absolutely nothing I can do to get out of the way. So, I just hunker down and hope it will go away.
I think I have these dreams because to me, tornadoes are the scariest natural phenomena. You can't get away from them...the only thing you can do is get into a basement or a doorway or something. With flooding and hurricanes you can evacuate way ahead of time, and lightning can pretty much be avoided by staying out of open areas. But tornadoes....they're unpredictable.
The closest I've ever come to being near a tornado was at Beach Project with Campus Outreach one year. It was a stormy afternoon, and one of my roommates looked down the street and saw a tornado coming up Ocean Blvd. She and I ran downstairs and went into a friends' room. We were trying to find the most stable place in the hotel, so we got into the bathtub (remember this, Deanna?). Everyone was laughing at us, but we felt safe. :) At the time, I felt so helpless. If a tornado decides to hit, there is nothing you can do.
There are a couple of situations in my life right now where I feel helpless. Some have to do with interpersonal relationships, some with work, some with my "extracurricular activities", and some with completely unrelated things- like random dentist office bills that you don't really owe! All in all though, feeling helpless is beneficial to me. It causes me to pray more, and to not be such a control freak! It's definitely a hard spot to be in, however.
When I feel stressed and helpless, another thing that helps is running. Since I'm known as the "lazy runner" I know that if I'm craving a run I must be stressed! My past 2 runs have been great stress relievers and relaxers. I've been running hard, and each time my foot hits the pavement I feel a little bit more tension drain out of me. It's times like these that I am thankful for my ability to run, no matter how slow I am!
I think I have these dreams because to me, tornadoes are the scariest natural phenomena. You can't get away from them...the only thing you can do is get into a basement or a doorway or something. With flooding and hurricanes you can evacuate way ahead of time, and lightning can pretty much be avoided by staying out of open areas. But tornadoes....they're unpredictable.
The closest I've ever come to being near a tornado was at Beach Project with Campus Outreach one year. It was a stormy afternoon, and one of my roommates looked down the street and saw a tornado coming up Ocean Blvd. She and I ran downstairs and went into a friends' room. We were trying to find the most stable place in the hotel, so we got into the bathtub (remember this, Deanna?). Everyone was laughing at us, but we felt safe. :) At the time, I felt so helpless. If a tornado decides to hit, there is nothing you can do.
There are a couple of situations in my life right now where I feel helpless. Some have to do with interpersonal relationships, some with work, some with my "extracurricular activities", and some with completely unrelated things- like random dentist office bills that you don't really owe! All in all though, feeling helpless is beneficial to me. It causes me to pray more, and to not be such a control freak! It's definitely a hard spot to be in, however.
When I feel stressed and helpless, another thing that helps is running. Since I'm known as the "lazy runner" I know that if I'm craving a run I must be stressed! My past 2 runs have been great stress relievers and relaxers. I've been running hard, and each time my foot hits the pavement I feel a little bit more tension drain out of me. It's times like these that I am thankful for my ability to run, no matter how slow I am!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
A Conversation with my 16-year old Self
Sometimes I hear my 16-year old self talking to me. She’s whispering her hopes and dreams, her fears and her longings. Sometimes I have to set her straight about the reality of what the 29 year old she will become can actually accomplish. Few 29 year olds are millionaires or married to millionaires. :) Other times I can feel her joy when she looks at the life I’ve been able to build and the things with which I’ve been blessed.
I do often wonder what my former self would think of my life at this point. Like most teenagers, I had dreams of being wildly successful, married to an amazingly good-looking, kind and rich man, and somehow moving from my awkward stage to being drop-dead gorgeous. Clearly, I have not accomplished any of these dreams! Thankfully, my perspective has changed. I do think my 16 year old self would be pretty happy with where my life is today, though. Why? Well, here are a few reasons:
Confidence: As much as I tried to portray confidence as a 16 year old, I was unbelievably insecure. I think most people are to some extent, but I was pretty extreme. A tiny bit of the confidence I have now comes from maturing some, but most all of it comes from understanding who I am as a Child of God and a part of His Kingdom. I definitely didn’t understand that at 16, and I’m so thankful that I’m able to understand it now.
Location: From the time I was 10 or so I always loved the DC area. I visited Annapolis for the first time at 13, and I’ve loved it ever since. I never planned to end up where I am, but it’s been the perfect place so far. 16 year old Page would love being near the fast pace of the city, yet living a mile or so from the Chesapeake Bay. Most of the time, my life seems to be the perfect combination of fast-paced and laid-back all wrapped into one.
Friends: 16 year old Page struggled with friendships. I was so afraid of being hurt, that I never gave freely of my friendship and was afraid to take much in return. That was very limiting. As I’ve grown spiritually and emotionally, I’ve learned how to love my friends with abandon, regardless of their flaws and whether or not I think they will hurt me in the end. A lot of this goes back to confidence, as well. I have true and close friends in many places that I can count on for most anything.
Attitude: Somehow, I’ve turned back into a fairly positive person. I went through a negative and complaining stage from about 14-25…and I’ve slowly been moving back to the joyful, optimistic child that I was many moons ago. For a long time, I didn’t realize that this change was happening. People would refer to me as “positive”…and I would laugh. Truly, that turn about has only occurred by the grace of God!
Most often though, it’s the little things that cause my 16-year old self to smile. The things that go along with being a self-supporting, slightly successful single woman near a city (like the alliteration there? :) ) Things like taking a bubble bath at 11 PM with Ella Fitzgerald on my iPod, a good book in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. Or sitting on the sofa with my roommate laughing about nothing. Walking to chorus rehearsal in downtown Annapolis with a coffee in my hand and light snow falling. Having a fancy dinner out with my closest friends “just because”. These are the small things that I am thankful for, and that I think she would be pleased about. So even though I haven’t accomplished her wildest dreams, I am content. And contentment is what I think she longed for most.
I do often wonder what my former self would think of my life at this point. Like most teenagers, I had dreams of being wildly successful, married to an amazingly good-looking, kind and rich man, and somehow moving from my awkward stage to being drop-dead gorgeous. Clearly, I have not accomplished any of these dreams! Thankfully, my perspective has changed. I do think my 16 year old self would be pretty happy with where my life is today, though. Why? Well, here are a few reasons:
Confidence: As much as I tried to portray confidence as a 16 year old, I was unbelievably insecure. I think most people are to some extent, but I was pretty extreme. A tiny bit of the confidence I have now comes from maturing some, but most all of it comes from understanding who I am as a Child of God and a part of His Kingdom. I definitely didn’t understand that at 16, and I’m so thankful that I’m able to understand it now.
Location: From the time I was 10 or so I always loved the DC area. I visited Annapolis for the first time at 13, and I’ve loved it ever since. I never planned to end up where I am, but it’s been the perfect place so far. 16 year old Page would love being near the fast pace of the city, yet living a mile or so from the Chesapeake Bay. Most of the time, my life seems to be the perfect combination of fast-paced and laid-back all wrapped into one.
Friends: 16 year old Page struggled with friendships. I was so afraid of being hurt, that I never gave freely of my friendship and was afraid to take much in return. That was very limiting. As I’ve grown spiritually and emotionally, I’ve learned how to love my friends with abandon, regardless of their flaws and whether or not I think they will hurt me in the end. A lot of this goes back to confidence, as well. I have true and close friends in many places that I can count on for most anything.
Attitude: Somehow, I’ve turned back into a fairly positive person. I went through a negative and complaining stage from about 14-25…and I’ve slowly been moving back to the joyful, optimistic child that I was many moons ago. For a long time, I didn’t realize that this change was happening. People would refer to me as “positive”…and I would laugh. Truly, that turn about has only occurred by the grace of God!
Most often though, it’s the little things that cause my 16-year old self to smile. The things that go along with being a self-supporting, slightly successful single woman near a city (like the alliteration there? :) ) Things like taking a bubble bath at 11 PM with Ella Fitzgerald on my iPod, a good book in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. Or sitting on the sofa with my roommate laughing about nothing. Walking to chorus rehearsal in downtown Annapolis with a coffee in my hand and light snow falling. Having a fancy dinner out with my closest friends “just because”. These are the small things that I am thankful for, and that I think she would be pleased about. So even though I haven’t accomplished her wildest dreams, I am content. And contentment is what I think she longed for most.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Bali Hai, Ice, and Accidents
South Pacific this weekend was a lot of fun. Check out the review in the Baltimore Sun to see more. Our minor parts weren't mentioned, but we didn't expect them to be. :) The downside to being a theater performer are the late nights! At least for me. :) I was up until midnight every day last week, and until 2 and 3 Friday and Saturday. Saturday night involved a midnight dinner of curry at the cast party after the show. All in all, however, it was a great weekend!
The week, however, has not been great. Monday was kind of blah for me...frustrations at work and a long day. Tuesday, we had a lot of ice here in the DC area, and I ended up getting in a fender bender on my way home last night. I was fine, but my trusty Saturn was not. :( Thankfully, it was not my fault (I slid a bit on some black ice and then the guy behind me crashed into the back passenger side of my car) and I was able to drive home. However, it took 2 more hours to get home. Hmph. Maryland needs to learn how to salt the roadways...
Anyway, my car is in the shop and I have a rental now. I'm hoping things will look up today- I'm blessed that I was not hurt and the damage to my car was minor. I've seen the Lord's provision a lot this week- answered prayers in minor ways...even in the midst of yucky things!
I'm hoping the week will turn good from here...
The week, however, has not been great. Monday was kind of blah for me...frustrations at work and a long day. Tuesday, we had a lot of ice here in the DC area, and I ended up getting in a fender bender on my way home last night. I was fine, but my trusty Saturn was not. :( Thankfully, it was not my fault (I slid a bit on some black ice and then the guy behind me crashed into the back passenger side of my car) and I was able to drive home. However, it took 2 more hours to get home. Hmph. Maryland needs to learn how to salt the roadways...
Anyway, my car is in the shop and I have a rental now. I'm hoping things will look up today- I'm blessed that I was not hurt and the damage to my car was minor. I've seen the Lord's provision a lot this week- answered prayers in minor ways...even in the midst of yucky things!
I'm hoping the week will turn good from here...
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Collage of thoughts and happenings
Hmm. I keep getting worse at this updating the blog thing. I went from an every day updater to a bi-monthly updater. Maybe it will change? So, here are the things that have been happening and running through my head, in no particular order.
1. My 29th birthday was last week. I am in the last year of my twenties, and I plan to enjoy every minute of it. Luckily, my 40 something friends tell me that the 30s are the best years of your life. I'm going to look forward to that...
2. I have a walk-on part in the Chorale's South Pacific show this weekend. I am a nurse. That has meant rehearsal every night this week. It's a lot of fun, but exhausting at the same time.
3. Based on my last post, you know I'm on a saving money kick. That has meant not buying things that I want. The good news is that I have wonderful friends who gave me wonderful birthday gifts!
4. I've given up eating out for Lent. I can go out, I just can't order any food. I haven't decided if that applies to drinks yet...stay tuned. It does include my nemesis of Chick fil A, though. I keep driving past and thinking how wonderful a chick fil a sandwich would taste...
5. Not eating out has great benefits for the pocketbook and the waistline. Hopefully I will reap those benefits in the 6 weeks until Easter.
6. An amazing thing happened last night. I ordered running shoes from Endless.com. After I opened the package and admired my shoes, I was about to throw the box away when I noticed a shiny brown box at the bottom. They sent me free Godiva dark chocolate! How cool is that? A branding thing, I know...but I still got the benefit of free chocolate with my $90 running shoes! Awesome...
7. I am in a good place right now...happily busy and rocking along through life. :)
1. My 29th birthday was last week. I am in the last year of my twenties, and I plan to enjoy every minute of it. Luckily, my 40 something friends tell me that the 30s are the best years of your life. I'm going to look forward to that...
2. I have a walk-on part in the Chorale's South Pacific show this weekend. I am a nurse. That has meant rehearsal every night this week. It's a lot of fun, but exhausting at the same time.
3. Based on my last post, you know I'm on a saving money kick. That has meant not buying things that I want. The good news is that I have wonderful friends who gave me wonderful birthday gifts!
4. I've given up eating out for Lent. I can go out, I just can't order any food. I haven't decided if that applies to drinks yet...stay tuned. It does include my nemesis of Chick fil A, though. I keep driving past and thinking how wonderful a chick fil a sandwich would taste...
5. Not eating out has great benefits for the pocketbook and the waistline. Hopefully I will reap those benefits in the 6 weeks until Easter.
6. An amazing thing happened last night. I ordered running shoes from Endless.com. After I opened the package and admired my shoes, I was about to throw the box away when I noticed a shiny brown box at the bottom. They sent me free Godiva dark chocolate! How cool is that? A branding thing, I know...but I still got the benefit of free chocolate with my $90 running shoes! Awesome...
7. I am in a good place right now...happily busy and rocking along through life. :)
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