I'm working on absorbing this into the fabric of my being. It's not so easy...
Showing posts with label thoughts on life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts on life. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Decade in Review
Apparently, a lame blog year in review is not enough...seeing that I have now been reminded by countless "Decade in Review" stories on TV and the internet that we are closing out a decade. Is it the 0s? How do you say that...the "ohs"? Or the two thousands? Are we going to the tens? Anyway, here is my very brief Decade in Review. Too bad I don't have a picture to post from each year...that would be great! But would have required a scanner and me remembering before today that we are closing out a decade. Oh well. Maybe next decade...
2000: Y2k happens. Or doesn't happen...depending on whether you thought the world would end or not. I spend 2.5 months of the summer in Mexico with Campus Outreach. Don't want to leave, but must finish college.
2001: I graduate from college, barely squeaking out a Cum Laude honor. By .01 of a grade point. I go 6 months without a real job. September 11th occurs, further dashing my hopes of a real job. In November, I begin what turns out to be a dead-end-for-me job at a bank.
2002: Turns out to be the hardest year of my life so far that I have learned the most from. Heart gets broken by a boy, job is slow and not challenging, I am bored. Life in the "real world" outside of college is hard. Come to know God more for it, but somehow become bitter, too.
2003: I discover that I need both athletic and musical outlets in my life, even though I am out of college. Join a chorus and train for a half marathon. Two decisions that have made huge differences in my life, even today.
2004: Heart is broken again, but this time I leave dead-end depressing job at bank and SC (my home for 25 years)...and move my life to Annapolis, MD. Best decision yet!
2005: I am a little bit lonely, but am slowly making friends and adjusting to life in Maryland.
2006: I go on last minute Bulgarian Carmina Burana tour to Florida with the chorale. Make what I feel sure will (even today) be lifelong friends. Spend too much money going out to eat and drink with said friends. Move into Home for Wayward Chorus Girls to save money. Another great decision.
2007: Run first marathon. Get new, more likable, better paying, shorter commute job.
2008: Make off-the-cuff decision to sing in the chorus with operetta company in Baltimore. Meet J. Start dating J.
2009: I turn 30 and buy my first diamonds, a pair of earrings. Spend birthday in New York City. Fall in love with J. Train for Goofy Challenge. Go to the opera a lot.
So that's it! My Decade in Review...boy has my life changed! Not quite as drastically as my friends who now are married with 3 or 4 kids, but I am in a different geographic location! That should count for something.
Happy New Year, everyone!
2000: Y2k happens. Or doesn't happen...depending on whether you thought the world would end or not. I spend 2.5 months of the summer in Mexico with Campus Outreach. Don't want to leave, but must finish college.
2001: I graduate from college, barely squeaking out a Cum Laude honor. By .01 of a grade point. I go 6 months without a real job. September 11th occurs, further dashing my hopes of a real job. In November, I begin what turns out to be a dead-end-for-me job at a bank.
2002: Turns out to be the hardest year of my life so far that I have learned the most from. Heart gets broken by a boy, job is slow and not challenging, I am bored. Life in the "real world" outside of college is hard. Come to know God more for it, but somehow become bitter, too.
2003: I discover that I need both athletic and musical outlets in my life, even though I am out of college. Join a chorus and train for a half marathon. Two decisions that have made huge differences in my life, even today.
2004: Heart is broken again, but this time I leave dead-end depressing job at bank and SC (my home for 25 years)...and move my life to Annapolis, MD. Best decision yet!
2005: I am a little bit lonely, but am slowly making friends and adjusting to life in Maryland.
2006: I go on last minute Bulgarian Carmina Burana tour to Florida with the chorale. Make what I feel sure will (even today) be lifelong friends. Spend too much money going out to eat and drink with said friends. Move into Home for Wayward Chorus Girls to save money. Another great decision.
2007: Run first marathon. Get new, more likable, better paying, shorter commute job.
2008: Make off-the-cuff decision to sing in the chorus with operetta company in Baltimore. Meet J. Start dating J.
2009: I turn 30 and buy my first diamonds, a pair of earrings. Spend birthday in New York City. Fall in love with J. Train for Goofy Challenge. Go to the opera a lot.
So that's it! My Decade in Review...boy has my life changed! Not quite as drastically as my friends who now are married with 3 or 4 kids, but I am in a different geographic location! That should count for something.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Fall Nesting and Perspectives on Life
Something about cool Fall weather brings out my nesting instinct full force. Perhaps it is knowing that I will soon be hunkering down to survive the cold winter (relatively cold...at least for my thin SC blood!). In any case, I have this strong desire to clean, to organize my closet and drawers, to cook comfort food, to drink apple cider, and to snuggle with the kitty cat on the couch with a blanket and football. Sounds idyllic, huh? October is my favorite month, but this year I have not had time to indulge my nesting instinct. I did manage to get my fall/winter bedding on the bed, but that is about it. In the past I have had a few completely free October weekends to get my space/life "winter ready", but I have missed that this year. Between football, singing, and spending time with my boyfriend, I haven't had a chance to bring order to that area of my world. But for once, that's ok. I've been breaking my tasks up into little chunks I can complete each night that I'm home, and I think I'm making progress!
This Saturday could have been a perfect nesting day, but instead I declared a "do nothing" day for J and I. He was staying with us for the weekend since he performed in one of the Chorale's performances on Friday and Saturday night. We watched football, went to a wine tasting, began the process of making "lime-on-cello", and hung out. It was really relaxing. Saturday night, I went to his performance.
**I don't talk about my relationship with J on here very much...mostly because I think it's the type of thing best discussed in person. But, I'm going to break my rule here just a bit...**
It's so interesting for me to go to J's performances and hear people talk about how great he sounds, his lovely singing, etc. To be honest, sometimes I forget he is really a singer. We don't talk about it all that often (though it is part of his profession). I mean, we talk about music, but not in terms of his career in music. I don't get to go to his performances as often as I would like, so it is a treat for me. To be completely honest, the fact that he sings well was one of the first things that attracted me (I mean come one...anyone who knows me should not be surprised by that!). But it was more of a novel thing like, "Hey, I've gone on a couple of dates with an opera singer!". Or, "Hey, see that guy up there singing on the Jumbotron at Nationals Park? I was on a date with him last night". I must admit, that was pretty fun. :)
But now? Now he is not an opera singer to me...he's just J. A generous and compassionate man who for some reason decided to fight hard for me and not let me run away like I tried to do after our first couple of dates. A man who has seen so many of my insecurities and hasn't run away yet. Someone who, without trying, points me back to where I need to be spiritually on a regular basis. Having someone like him in my life is so much more valuable than the novelty of dating an opera singer. When we do talk about his singing, etc, I have a phrase I use in a bit of a sarcastic manner. "Poor, untalented J." I think I coined the phrase when we were organizing his opera scores and I ran across a few inscribed by Placido Domingo when J sang some solo roles in Washington. Sometimes I think he thinks I am being a little catty, but I really am in awe of his talent and the hard work he has put in to sing well.
Anyway, pardon my mushiness, but I've just been thinking about the interesting nature of that recently. I won't get to do any fall nesting activities this weekend, but I will get to spend time with J. And that is certainly more valuable than having a "winter ready" house!
This Saturday could have been a perfect nesting day, but instead I declared a "do nothing" day for J and I. He was staying with us for the weekend since he performed in one of the Chorale's performances on Friday and Saturday night. We watched football, went to a wine tasting, began the process of making "lime-on-cello", and hung out. It was really relaxing. Saturday night, I went to his performance.
**I don't talk about my relationship with J on here very much...mostly because I think it's the type of thing best discussed in person. But, I'm going to break my rule here just a bit...**
It's so interesting for me to go to J's performances and hear people talk about how great he sounds, his lovely singing, etc. To be honest, sometimes I forget he is really a singer. We don't talk about it all that often (though it is part of his profession). I mean, we talk about music, but not in terms of his career in music. I don't get to go to his performances as often as I would like, so it is a treat for me. To be completely honest, the fact that he sings well was one of the first things that attracted me (I mean come one...anyone who knows me should not be surprised by that!). But it was more of a novel thing like, "Hey, I've gone on a couple of dates with an opera singer!". Or, "Hey, see that guy up there singing on the Jumbotron at Nationals Park? I was on a date with him last night". I must admit, that was pretty fun. :)
But now? Now he is not an opera singer to me...he's just J. A generous and compassionate man who for some reason decided to fight hard for me and not let me run away like I tried to do after our first couple of dates. A man who has seen so many of my insecurities and hasn't run away yet. Someone who, without trying, points me back to where I need to be spiritually on a regular basis. Having someone like him in my life is so much more valuable than the novelty of dating an opera singer. When we do talk about his singing, etc, I have a phrase I use in a bit of a sarcastic manner. "Poor, untalented J." I think I coined the phrase when we were organizing his opera scores and I ran across a few inscribed by Placido Domingo when J sang some solo roles in Washington. Sometimes I think he thinks I am being a little catty, but I really am in awe of his talent and the hard work he has put in to sing well.
Anyway, pardon my mushiness, but I've just been thinking about the interesting nature of that recently. I won't get to do any fall nesting activities this weekend, but I will get to spend time with J. And that is certainly more valuable than having a "winter ready" house!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Why I Use Social Media (and other comments on the topic)
In the industry that my company serves (Public Relations) social media is the biggest buzzword around. When I first heard that companies were interested in social media, I was amazed. Why would some company want to know what I like...what I'm doing...oh wait. I'm a consumer...duh. The platform that drove the social media into high gear (at least from my perspective) is Twitter (if you are not tweeting yet...don't worry, I'll tell you my thoughts on why you should/shouldn't later). Since social media is what is buzzing around me all the time, I got to thinking about the reasons that I use social media sites like blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. And, since this is my blog, I thought I'd write about those for you and my personal pros and cons for each.
Blogs
Blogs were really my first foray into social media. I started reading some blogs of friends about 6 years ago strictly as a way to keep up with them. On community-oriented sites like Xanga, I started finding random people that I didn't know whose blogs I enjoyed reading. Call it voyeuristic, but something about getting a peek into a stranger's day-to-day life entertains me. I started my own blog when I moved to Maryland in 2004 so that I wouldn't have to send mass email updates about my life to my friends back in SC. I found that I liked the cathartic aspect of blogging, and also made a few blog friends on Xanga. When you say "I have a blog", it means different things to different people. Some bloggers are anonymous, some aren't. Some people see blogs as strictly a way to update real-life friends on their life. Others use blogging as a way to write about things they can't talk about. Some blogs are "information only" and focus on a specific subject (like political blogs). Some people feel the blogging community is another level of friendship, and like to meet other people like (or not like) themselves. For me, my blog is combination of all of these things. I write about all kinds of subjects...what I like/dislike, how I live my life, what I believe, and I occasionally include photos. Blogging is such a versatile platform and is so accessible that a blog can truly be about anything. However, know that when you blog, you are basically putting yourself out there for anyone to read about you and what you write.
I read blogs for many different reasons. Mostly because I love information. See this old Xanga post for my thoughts on that. But I digress (about 2.5 years if you read that old post). I read blogs of my friends to keep up with their lives. I read blogs of random people because their lives seem interesting and I like the way they write. I read Music blogs to get insight into music itself, and I love reading about up and coming opera singers. I read blogs about topics I find interesting. While occasionally I will make a friend who is another blogger, it's not the main reason I blog. I have a limited capacity for having what I think of as "close" friends, and I think I have to keep them in the real world. While I often fail at blogging regularly, I do enjoy reading the updates of those who do.
Facebook
Ah, Facebook. The great time-suck and bane of some folks' existence. For me, Facebook is less a social networking site to meet people and more of a way to keep in touch with friends. I think that out of my 350 friends on FB, only one or two are people I don't know in real life. Granted, I may have met them only once IRL (in real life), but I have at least laid eyes on them. I love that I've gotten back in touch with high school friends on Facebook. I even was able to correspond with my old gymnastics coach, who I haven't seen in 12 years!
My favorite thing about Facebook are the status updates and photos. I love reading and seeing what people are up to. It helps me connect to them. That's part of the reason I don't like the new FB layout...I want to be able to see what my friends are up to without all the other junk that clutters up the News Feed. Thus, my least favorite aspect of Facebook are the quizes and links that people post. Though they are occasionally interesting, they are not what makes Facebook enjoyable or worthwhile for me. While many companies would like to monitor Facebook for people's status updates and to see what their comments about particular companies may be, FB is a closed system. And thus the popularity of Twitter...
Twitter
I must admit, the popularity of Twitter baffled me at first. Why go to Twitter to read status updates when you can go to FB for them? And who cares about what other people think on certain topics? But then, I started hearing more about Twitter, and considering that status updates are my favorite part of FB, I thought I'd give it a try. I was turned off at first because I thought you had to have device updates (where others' "tweets" are sent as texts to your phone) turned on and I didn't want to get someone's random status on my phone. But, as more of my blogging friends (or stalkees, if you will) began tweeting, I started to enjoy it. Tweeting is sort of in between FB and blogging...you have to say what you will in 140 characters or less. While I don't really want tweeting to replace blogging (like it has for my most favorite music blog, the concert...please come back to blogging ACB...I desperately miss your witty and insigtful writing!), I've recently started following people/organizations I'm interested in on Twitter, and I'm enjoying it (incidentally...click here to follow me on twitter if you'd like). However, one of the popular uses of Twitter is to get other's opinions on products and such. I don't know that I'd ever completely trust a Twitter opinion...can I really believe JoeShmo in Texas' opinion that the Silver Oak Napa Cab from 1999 tastes awful? (It doesn't, by the way). I don't know JoeShmo, what his tastes are, etc. However, if Joe has a blog, and I've read it for awhile and agree with most of his other opinions, I'd be more likely to trust his assessment of the Silver Oak Napa Cab. So, I think I'll stick to reading blogs for recommendations on most subjects.
The downside to Twitter for someone like me is that it's completely public (unless you make your updates protected..and where is the fun in that?). So, for example, if I mention my company name in a Tweet, that is going to go to my boss and the execs at my company. Also, some people mix personal and private lives on Twitter...one update says something like..."at work for PR firm XYZ and building media lists" and the next says something like "got so drunk last night that I peed in my closet". Personally, I don't think that's the way to build a professional reputation for interacting with people outside of your organization!
The Public vs. Private nature of social media is one aspect that is a bit daunting. It's easy to read about someone's life when you don't know them. I had an interesting encounter the other day that made me think about whether or not reading someone's blog is violating their privacy. There is a blog of an opera singer in Baltimore that I read on a regular basis. She is not anonymous on her blog, and when I first started reading, I had no idea who she was. But, in the past year or so, I discovered that we have some mutual friends. I finally officially met her IRL at a bachelorette party a few weeks ago. Even though we were meeting for the first time, from reading her blog I felt like I already knew her pretty well. It felt awkward. As the night went on and we were drinking wine, I wanted to tell her that I read her blog. I really did...but it felt weird. So I didn't. And then I felt kind of sneaky. Like I had been gossiping about her. I know it should be fine...she puts herself out there as a blogger, and it's not like I am stalking her...but it still felt strange to know so much about her and have her not know. So Jessica, if you happen to stumble across this blog...please don't be weirded out...and know that I love reading your blog!
And now that I've rambled here for awhile...it's time to check Facebook!
Blogs
Blogs were really my first foray into social media. I started reading some blogs of friends about 6 years ago strictly as a way to keep up with them. On community-oriented sites like Xanga, I started finding random people that I didn't know whose blogs I enjoyed reading. Call it voyeuristic, but something about getting a peek into a stranger's day-to-day life entertains me. I started my own blog when I moved to Maryland in 2004 so that I wouldn't have to send mass email updates about my life to my friends back in SC. I found that I liked the cathartic aspect of blogging, and also made a few blog friends on Xanga. When you say "I have a blog", it means different things to different people. Some bloggers are anonymous, some aren't. Some people see blogs as strictly a way to update real-life friends on their life. Others use blogging as a way to write about things they can't talk about. Some blogs are "information only" and focus on a specific subject (like political blogs). Some people feel the blogging community is another level of friendship, and like to meet other people like (or not like) themselves. For me, my blog is combination of all of these things. I write about all kinds of subjects...what I like/dislike, how I live my life, what I believe, and I occasionally include photos. Blogging is such a versatile platform and is so accessible that a blog can truly be about anything. However, know that when you blog, you are basically putting yourself out there for anyone to read about you and what you write.
I read blogs for many different reasons. Mostly because I love information. See this old Xanga post for my thoughts on that. But I digress (about 2.5 years if you read that old post). I read blogs of my friends to keep up with their lives. I read blogs of random people because their lives seem interesting and I like the way they write. I read Music blogs to get insight into music itself, and I love reading about up and coming opera singers. I read blogs about topics I find interesting. While occasionally I will make a friend who is another blogger, it's not the main reason I blog. I have a limited capacity for having what I think of as "close" friends, and I think I have to keep them in the real world. While I often fail at blogging regularly, I do enjoy reading the updates of those who do.
Ah, Facebook. The great time-suck and bane of some folks' existence. For me, Facebook is less a social networking site to meet people and more of a way to keep in touch with friends. I think that out of my 350 friends on FB, only one or two are people I don't know in real life. Granted, I may have met them only once IRL (in real life), but I have at least laid eyes on them. I love that I've gotten back in touch with high school friends on Facebook. I even was able to correspond with my old gymnastics coach, who I haven't seen in 12 years!
My favorite thing about Facebook are the status updates and photos. I love reading and seeing what people are up to. It helps me connect to them. That's part of the reason I don't like the new FB layout...I want to be able to see what my friends are up to without all the other junk that clutters up the News Feed. Thus, my least favorite aspect of Facebook are the quizes and links that people post. Though they are occasionally interesting, they are not what makes Facebook enjoyable or worthwhile for me. While many companies would like to monitor Facebook for people's status updates and to see what their comments about particular companies may be, FB is a closed system. And thus the popularity of Twitter...
I must admit, the popularity of Twitter baffled me at first. Why go to Twitter to read status updates when you can go to FB for them? And who cares about what other people think on certain topics? But then, I started hearing more about Twitter, and considering that status updates are my favorite part of FB, I thought I'd give it a try. I was turned off at first because I thought you had to have device updates (where others' "tweets" are sent as texts to your phone) turned on and I didn't want to get someone's random status on my phone. But, as more of my blogging friends (or stalkees, if you will) began tweeting, I started to enjoy it. Tweeting is sort of in between FB and blogging...you have to say what you will in 140 characters or less. While I don't really want tweeting to replace blogging (like it has for my most favorite music blog, the concert...please come back to blogging ACB...I desperately miss your witty and insigtful writing!), I've recently started following people/organizations I'm interested in on Twitter, and I'm enjoying it (incidentally...click here to follow me on twitter if you'd like). However, one of the popular uses of Twitter is to get other's opinions on products and such. I don't know that I'd ever completely trust a Twitter opinion...can I really believe JoeShmo in Texas' opinion that the Silver Oak Napa Cab from 1999 tastes awful? (It doesn't, by the way). I don't know JoeShmo, what his tastes are, etc. However, if Joe has a blog, and I've read it for awhile and agree with most of his other opinions, I'd be more likely to trust his assessment of the Silver Oak Napa Cab. So, I think I'll stick to reading blogs for recommendations on most subjects.
The downside to Twitter for someone like me is that it's completely public (unless you make your updates protected..and where is the fun in that?). So, for example, if I mention my company name in a Tweet, that is going to go to my boss and the execs at my company. Also, some people mix personal and private lives on Twitter...one update says something like..."at work for PR firm XYZ and building media lists" and the next says something like "got so drunk last night that I peed in my closet". Personally, I don't think that's the way to build a professional reputation for interacting with people outside of your organization!
The Public vs. Private nature of social media is one aspect that is a bit daunting. It's easy to read about someone's life when you don't know them. I had an interesting encounter the other day that made me think about whether or not reading someone's blog is violating their privacy. There is a blog of an opera singer in Baltimore that I read on a regular basis. She is not anonymous on her blog, and when I first started reading, I had no idea who she was. But, in the past year or so, I discovered that we have some mutual friends. I finally officially met her IRL at a bachelorette party a few weeks ago. Even though we were meeting for the first time, from reading her blog I felt like I already knew her pretty well. It felt awkward. As the night went on and we were drinking wine, I wanted to tell her that I read her blog. I really did...but it felt weird. So I didn't. And then I felt kind of sneaky. Like I had been gossiping about her. I know it should be fine...she puts herself out there as a blogger, and it's not like I am stalking her...but it still felt strange to know so much about her and have her not know. So Jessica, if you happen to stumble across this blog...please don't be weirded out...and know that I love reading your blog!
And now that I've rambled here for awhile...it's time to check Facebook!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Just Inject the Toxins, Please
This weekend, I decided that it would be a good idea to try a detox diet. I've been reading about them for awhile, and thought that it would be a good way to "cleanse" my body and exercise a little bit of discipline. Plus, this is Holy Week, which is always an appropriate time to practice self-deprivation. My detox diet involved eating only fruits and veggies all week. Easy, right? Ha!
Well. I began by eating just fruits and vegetables for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on Monday. Not too bad, although I was a bit wiped out by the end of the day. I should also add that this detox involved no coffee. I have one cup of coffee every morning...it is part of my routine and helps me get going. By the end of Monday evening, I had a mild headache and was crashing. Tuesday morning, I woke up with a tension headache that stretched from my shoulder to the top of my head. I went off to work with no coffee again, and ate a banana for breakfast. I was in a terrible mood, and it's surprising that I made it through the day without snapping at someone!
By 4:00, I knew that I would never make it all week without protein or bread. By 6:00, I had decided to have a chicken sandwich for dinner. So I did. It tasted fantastic. By 8:00, my raging headache had started to recede. By 10:00, I felt my mood lifting.
This morning, I woke up and had my coffee. Driving to work, I was listening to Disney tunes and was in a fabulous mood! When my 9:00 training session cancelled, I decided it was a sign that I should have Crack (Chick-fil-A) for breakfast. So I did. By 10:00, I was in an even better mood. Tonight, I got home and made Pasta Fagioli. I also had some wine, which is apparently a toxin as strong as coffee. Yet, I highly recommend it.
Moral of the story? Apparently, toxins are what keep my mood lifted. So, I'll be consuming them...no more detox diets for me!
Well. I began by eating just fruits and vegetables for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on Monday. Not too bad, although I was a bit wiped out by the end of the day. I should also add that this detox involved no coffee. I have one cup of coffee every morning...it is part of my routine and helps me get going. By the end of Monday evening, I had a mild headache and was crashing. Tuesday morning, I woke up with a tension headache that stretched from my shoulder to the top of my head. I went off to work with no coffee again, and ate a banana for breakfast. I was in a terrible mood, and it's surprising that I made it through the day without snapping at someone!
By 4:00, I knew that I would never make it all week without protein or bread. By 6:00, I had decided to have a chicken sandwich for dinner. So I did. It tasted fantastic. By 8:00, my raging headache had started to recede. By 10:00, I felt my mood lifting.
This morning, I woke up and had my coffee. Driving to work, I was listening to Disney tunes and was in a fabulous mood! When my 9:00 training session cancelled, I decided it was a sign that I should have Crack (Chick-fil-A) for breakfast. So I did. By 10:00, I was in an even better mood. Tonight, I got home and made Pasta Fagioli. I also had some wine, which is apparently a toxin as strong as coffee. Yet, I highly recommend it.
Moral of the story? Apparently, toxins are what keep my mood lifted. So, I'll be consuming them...no more detox diets for me!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Casual Weekdays
My office has a casual dress code. Casual as in jeans are acceptable...even the norm every day. It can be a little difficult to become accustomed to such casualness. It's always entertaining to watch someone transition from a corporate type of job wearing suits or at least "business casual" wear every day, to working at my company. I went through the process myself. You look around and see all of your coworkers in jeans...but something about getting up in the morning and putting jeans on to go to work every day doesn't feel right. But, you don't want to feel out-of-place at the office in nice business wear...so you settle for nice pants and a sweater most days, and jeans on Friday or occasionally. A few weeks/months later, you've transitioned to jeans 3 days a week, and nicer clothes the rest of the time. The final step is when jeans are the norm. That's where I am now...
I have a closet full of nice clothes that I don't wear to work anymore! I still need them occasionally...for the once in a blue moon client visit or when I want to look nice at church or a social event. But when I get up in the morning, I tend to go for comfort over looks. It's gotten so bad that some days recently I haven't even worn jewelry, and very little make-up. This is a serious change from the days when I worked at the bank and walked out of the house looking like I should be heading to Wall Street! I'm trying to get back into the swing of dressing nicely and being "put together" during the day. It's difficult, though, when most coworkers don't really seem to care! Perhaps if I can force myself to wear something nicer than jeans and a sweater 2 days a week, then I'll get out of the "look" rut that I'm in right now.
It's always funny at the office when someone dresses up though. If I wear a skirt, people start asking if I have an interview. It's kind of funny...I think, "Do you really think I'd just wear a skirt and sweater to an interview?" If I'm wearing a suit...then you should worry. But even then, I think I'd probably change in the bathroom of McDonald's or something. Usually, I'm wearing nicer clothes if I have a date. My boyfriend has a job where he is often wearing a suit...so if I'm meeting him for dinner, I try to wear something a little dressier. It's no fun to take a woman wearing jeans, a ratty sweater, and sneakers out to dinner!
At least when I look at the management here, I know that promotions aren't based on how you look or dress!
I have a closet full of nice clothes that I don't wear to work anymore! I still need them occasionally...for the once in a blue moon client visit or when I want to look nice at church or a social event. But when I get up in the morning, I tend to go for comfort over looks. It's gotten so bad that some days recently I haven't even worn jewelry, and very little make-up. This is a serious change from the days when I worked at the bank and walked out of the house looking like I should be heading to Wall Street! I'm trying to get back into the swing of dressing nicely and being "put together" during the day. It's difficult, though, when most coworkers don't really seem to care! Perhaps if I can force myself to wear something nicer than jeans and a sweater 2 days a week, then I'll get out of the "look" rut that I'm in right now.
It's always funny at the office when someone dresses up though. If I wear a skirt, people start asking if I have an interview. It's kind of funny...I think, "Do you really think I'd just wear a skirt and sweater to an interview?" If I'm wearing a suit...then you should worry. But even then, I think I'd probably change in the bathroom of McDonald's or something. Usually, I'm wearing nicer clothes if I have a date. My boyfriend has a job where he is often wearing a suit...so if I'm meeting him for dinner, I try to wear something a little dressier. It's no fun to take a woman wearing jeans, a ratty sweater, and sneakers out to dinner!
At least when I look at the management here, I know that promotions aren't based on how you look or dress!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thoughts on Turning 30, The Big Three-oh, Getting Old, Etc
***This post was written prior to my actual birthday, but since I'm in New York City I thought I'd schedule it to post on the appropriate day.***
It's interesting to think that I'm turning 30. Thirty years of living on this earth. I'm actually quite excited to be reaching this milestone. All of my older friends say that their thirties were truly the best years of their life. I've had friends who had a crisis about turning 30. I had a "quarter-life crisis" at 25, so I don't plan on having one now!
When I was 15, 30 seemed so old! I imagined myself married with kids by the time I hit this age. Who would have thought I'd actually be thankful to not be married at my age? But, I am. I've had such fun being a single gal for the past three years or so. I've been able to do so many things and have so many opportunities. Not that I want to stay single forever, mind you...but it sure has been a fun ride recently!
When I was thinking back over where my life has taken me in the past 15 years or so, there was one thing that really stood out. You see, when I used to imagine myself as a "grown-up" single woman...I had this vision of myself in a high-powered job, living in a fancy apartment all by myself...but I never imagined myself with friends. I'm not sure why that is...maybe I was still in my introverted stage at that point in my life and thought I wouldn't need friends or people around me? But the thing is, when I think about all of the fun experiences and memories that I have from the last half of my life (and really the first, too) the things that really stand out to me are the people I've known and loved. My friends and family. As cheesy as it sounds, they have helped shape me into the person that I am, and I think without people, my life would be sad and boring. Because of that, I think the fact that 6 of my close friends are traveling to New York with me to celebrate is a fitting way to celebrate my 30 years on this earth.
And really, how bad can 30 be? I have fabulous friends, a good job, enough financial security to buy myself diamond earrings, a great guy in my life...shoot, 30 seems to be shaping itself up to be one of my best birthdays yet! At least, I'm not complaining...:)
It's interesting to think that I'm turning 30. Thirty years of living on this earth. I'm actually quite excited to be reaching this milestone. All of my older friends say that their thirties were truly the best years of their life. I've had friends who had a crisis about turning 30. I had a "quarter-life crisis" at 25, so I don't plan on having one now!
When I was 15, 30 seemed so old! I imagined myself married with kids by the time I hit this age. Who would have thought I'd actually be thankful to not be married at my age? But, I am. I've had such fun being a single gal for the past three years or so. I've been able to do so many things and have so many opportunities. Not that I want to stay single forever, mind you...but it sure has been a fun ride recently!
When I was thinking back over where my life has taken me in the past 15 years or so, there was one thing that really stood out. You see, when I used to imagine myself as a "grown-up" single woman...I had this vision of myself in a high-powered job, living in a fancy apartment all by myself...but I never imagined myself with friends. I'm not sure why that is...maybe I was still in my introverted stage at that point in my life and thought I wouldn't need friends or people around me? But the thing is, when I think about all of the fun experiences and memories that I have from the last half of my life (and really the first, too) the things that really stand out to me are the people I've known and loved. My friends and family. As cheesy as it sounds, they have helped shape me into the person that I am, and I think without people, my life would be sad and boring. Because of that, I think the fact that 6 of my close friends are traveling to New York with me to celebrate is a fitting way to celebrate my 30 years on this earth.
And really, how bad can 30 be? I have fabulous friends, a good job, enough financial security to buy myself diamond earrings, a great guy in my life...shoot, 30 seems to be shaping itself up to be one of my best birthdays yet! At least, I'm not complaining...:)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Anonymity
I spent my lunch today reading blog posts that were exchanged through BlogSecret, a blogosphere project where bloggers anonymously wrote a secret they have been carrying around and didn't feel they could post on their own blog. While reading these posts, I became a little jealous and wished that I had participated.
Not that I have any really juicy secrets. I'm kind of a boring person in that sense. I haven't done anything shocking in my life, I'm pretty normal, and my opinions on life are fairly run of the mill. But, there is a part of me that wishes my blog was completely anonymous. That I could write about all kinds of things on an anonymous blog that I can't on this one because most people who read my blog know who I am IRL (In real life- for my non internet-speak readers). Things like my real thoughts on politics, dating experiences, issues with friends...there is something quite cathartic about writing anonymously. When I first started my blog on xanga 4 years ago, the only people who read it were strangers. It was easier then to be honest, because I knew that I would likely never meet these folks. Now, well, I know my family reads my blog, friends around the country read my blog, and I occasionally have random visitors who don't know me IRL.
**Warning..I'm going to get a little vulnerable below...proceed at your own risk!**
I think the reason I'm not completely forthcoming about things on the blog is that I am a people-pleaser. Even when I pretend to make decisions based on my own thoughts and feelings, I know a huge part of me is looking for approval from others in those decisions. I feel like I have grown up a lot in the 4 years that I've lived away from SC, not just because I moved away, but also because I've spent the last part of my twenties here...which is where many of us mature a lot anyway. Some of the decisions I've made in the past two years would have been unfathomable to me 5 years ago. I think I had a narrow view of what my life should look like, and made decisions based on the little box of values and ideals that I had created for my life. If something was outside of the box, it was out of the question.
In the past two years, I've made some decisions that have taken me outside of the box. I've matured a lot, and the person I am is very different from who I thought I was. I'm still fundamentally the same- I love Jesus, I want to see His Kingdom advanced in the world, I'm seeking God's Will for my life, my theology is the same...but practically, these things are manifesting themselves in ways that I could never have thought of 4 years ago. I'm outside of the conservative evangelical box that I built for myself, and I think that God is teaching me a lot through being oustside of the box. During the years I lived "in the box", I thought I was a very analytical introvert. Surprise! I'm really more of an extrovert...although I am pretty analytical. I saw God as giving me very strict rules to live by...and I always felt like I never measured up. I understand His grace so much more now because I don't feel bound by the rules and behaviors that I thought I was supposed to have. I feel free...and I think that was His intention for me all along...it just took a peek outside of the box for me to see it.
There is a part of me that is afraid that those who knew me when I was inside the box will be disappointed that I have not followed the traditional "in the box" path. That because my life isn't centered around a church or full-time ministry...I will be seen as someone who has "fallen away". Because that is so far from the truth. I think I love God more now than I ever did before...simply because I have seen His hand in my life in so many ways and I've learned so much by just knowing Him and not trying to make my life look like the cookie-cutter single Christian girl. My idea of a perfect evening is sitting around with friends drinking wine on our deck (or in the kitchen in the winter), discussing life. Those friends may or may not share my spiritual beliefs. I like to discuss my beliefs with them, and listen as they share what they believe. That to me is more fulfilling these days than sitting around with women who believe the same thing that I do...patting each other on the back for believing what we do, and lamenting the sad state of the world. That last statement isn't meant to be offensive...it just describes some situations that I've found myself in and what I sometimes think is expected of me as a "single Christian woman".
I guess I just long to look to God for His approval, and not the approval of man. I believe that I am living my life the way He intends for me to...and I pray that I will continue to mature and be able to hold to that and have Him be my only concern.
Anyway...for those of you who stuck with this post- thanks! See, I guess I can use this blog to write cathartically even though I'm not anonymous!
Not that I have any really juicy secrets. I'm kind of a boring person in that sense. I haven't done anything shocking in my life, I'm pretty normal, and my opinions on life are fairly run of the mill. But, there is a part of me that wishes my blog was completely anonymous. That I could write about all kinds of things on an anonymous blog that I can't on this one because most people who read my blog know who I am IRL (In real life- for my non internet-speak readers). Things like my real thoughts on politics, dating experiences, issues with friends...there is something quite cathartic about writing anonymously. When I first started my blog on xanga 4 years ago, the only people who read it were strangers. It was easier then to be honest, because I knew that I would likely never meet these folks. Now, well, I know my family reads my blog, friends around the country read my blog, and I occasionally have random visitors who don't know me IRL.
**Warning..I'm going to get a little vulnerable below...proceed at your own risk!**
I think the reason I'm not completely forthcoming about things on the blog is that I am a people-pleaser. Even when I pretend to make decisions based on my own thoughts and feelings, I know a huge part of me is looking for approval from others in those decisions. I feel like I have grown up a lot in the 4 years that I've lived away from SC, not just because I moved away, but also because I've spent the last part of my twenties here...which is where many of us mature a lot anyway. Some of the decisions I've made in the past two years would have been unfathomable to me 5 years ago. I think I had a narrow view of what my life should look like, and made decisions based on the little box of values and ideals that I had created for my life. If something was outside of the box, it was out of the question.
In the past two years, I've made some decisions that have taken me outside of the box. I've matured a lot, and the person I am is very different from who I thought I was. I'm still fundamentally the same- I love Jesus, I want to see His Kingdom advanced in the world, I'm seeking God's Will for my life, my theology is the same...but practically, these things are manifesting themselves in ways that I could never have thought of 4 years ago. I'm outside of the conservative evangelical box that I built for myself, and I think that God is teaching me a lot through being oustside of the box. During the years I lived "in the box", I thought I was a very analytical introvert. Surprise! I'm really more of an extrovert...although I am pretty analytical. I saw God as giving me very strict rules to live by...and I always felt like I never measured up. I understand His grace so much more now because I don't feel bound by the rules and behaviors that I thought I was supposed to have. I feel free...and I think that was His intention for me all along...it just took a peek outside of the box for me to see it.
There is a part of me that is afraid that those who knew me when I was inside the box will be disappointed that I have not followed the traditional "in the box" path. That because my life isn't centered around a church or full-time ministry...I will be seen as someone who has "fallen away". Because that is so far from the truth. I think I love God more now than I ever did before...simply because I have seen His hand in my life in so many ways and I've learned so much by just knowing Him and not trying to make my life look like the cookie-cutter single Christian girl. My idea of a perfect evening is sitting around with friends drinking wine on our deck (or in the kitchen in the winter), discussing life. Those friends may or may not share my spiritual beliefs. I like to discuss my beliefs with them, and listen as they share what they believe. That to me is more fulfilling these days than sitting around with women who believe the same thing that I do...patting each other on the back for believing what we do, and lamenting the sad state of the world. That last statement isn't meant to be offensive...it just describes some situations that I've found myself in and what I sometimes think is expected of me as a "single Christian woman".
I guess I just long to look to God for His approval, and not the approval of man. I believe that I am living my life the way He intends for me to...and I pray that I will continue to mature and be able to hold to that and have Him be my only concern.
Anyway...for those of you who stuck with this post- thanks! See, I guess I can use this blog to write cathartically even though I'm not anonymous!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Support the Arts!
As my regular readers/friends know or have guessed, I am a big fan/supporter of the Arts. Music in particular, but I have an appreciation for all of them. As a late 20-something, I'm not able to be a huge financial supporter of the arts (I live a comfortable lifestyle, but I would not be able to hand an Arts organization $2000 "just because"). However, I give huge chunks of my time to supporting the arts as a performer, and in the past year I've been on a quest to see more live performances (music, theater..and even a few art galleries). And yes, most live performances cost money.
Based on conversations I've had with those in the Arts recently, and news clips that I've read, I think we can make the statement that just like the economy, Arts organizations are in a crisis. Don't believe me? Opera Pacific closed it's doors, the Washington National Opera "postponed" it's Ring Cycle, and the New York City Opera is holding on by a tiny, fraying thread. This does not bode well for the future of the Arts in our country.
I am often frustrated when I invite friends to my concerts, and they say, "Oh, that ticket is too expensive". Why is it that we think performances should be free? It's nothing personal...I'm not upset that they don't want to come see me...but that they will miss out on a good performance. When I say "community chorus", I imagine people think the quality is going to be bad. Let me tell you, it's not. While we are not "professional", what we do is good. And worth $33 for a ticket. Maybe I'm just not selling it well. Support of the Arts is crashing almost as quickly as the stock market these days. I'm not saying that I expect "Joe the Plumber" to pay $30 for a music concert instead of buying food. But there are plenty of us that have not been hit too hard by this economic crisis and need to step up our support.
But Page, why should we support the Arts? Well, I think the reasons are different for everyone. I write about my relationship with music often, and I still can't quite describe it. Personally, I believe that the Artistic realm displays the creativity of God's creation, and thus brings glory to Him. The Arts also reflect His glory, and they show us that beauty can exist in a world that is becoming more and more depraved. Who doesn't want to hold on to something that is beautiful, when fear, ugliness, and despair are threatening to take over the hearts of many?
So, wherever you are, I challenge you to go out and support the Arts. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, go to a concert. Need a Sunday afternoon activity? Don't sit on the couch watching tv- head to an art gallery or museum. Take your little girl (or boy) to the ballet. Spend an evening watching passion light up the stage at the opera.
**A quick shameless plug for my "community chorus"....click here to buy tickets to any of our Christmas performances...I'm telling you....you won't be sorry you did...Both the Celebration of Christmas and Messiah are bound to get you in the holiday spirit!**
Based on conversations I've had with those in the Arts recently, and news clips that I've read, I think we can make the statement that just like the economy, Arts organizations are in a crisis. Don't believe me? Opera Pacific closed it's doors, the Washington National Opera "postponed" it's Ring Cycle, and the New York City Opera is holding on by a tiny, fraying thread. This does not bode well for the future of the Arts in our country.
I am often frustrated when I invite friends to my concerts, and they say, "Oh, that ticket is too expensive". Why is it that we think performances should be free? It's nothing personal...I'm not upset that they don't want to come see me...but that they will miss out on a good performance. When I say "community chorus", I imagine people think the quality is going to be bad. Let me tell you, it's not. While we are not "professional", what we do is good. And worth $33 for a ticket. Maybe I'm just not selling it well. Support of the Arts is crashing almost as quickly as the stock market these days. I'm not saying that I expect "Joe the Plumber" to pay $30 for a music concert instead of buying food. But there are plenty of us that have not been hit too hard by this economic crisis and need to step up our support.
But Page, why should we support the Arts? Well, I think the reasons are different for everyone. I write about my relationship with music often, and I still can't quite describe it. Personally, I believe that the Artistic realm displays the creativity of God's creation, and thus brings glory to Him. The Arts also reflect His glory, and they show us that beauty can exist in a world that is becoming more and more depraved. Who doesn't want to hold on to something that is beautiful, when fear, ugliness, and despair are threatening to take over the hearts of many?
So, wherever you are, I challenge you to go out and support the Arts. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, go to a concert. Need a Sunday afternoon activity? Don't sit on the couch watching tv- head to an art gallery or museum. Take your little girl (or boy) to the ballet. Spend an evening watching passion light up the stage at the opera.
**A quick shameless plug for my "community chorus"....click here to buy tickets to any of our Christmas performances...I'm telling you....you won't be sorry you did...Both the Celebration of Christmas and Messiah are bound to get you in the holiday spirit!**
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Privileged
I think in life, I have a tendency to forget how privileged and blessed I am in so many ways. Materially, monetarily, spiritually, physically (good health), and other ways. But often while performing during concerts, it strikes me that all the little annoying things I focus on in my musical endeavors prevent me from seeing the amazing privilege it is to perform great works of great composers with a talented conductor, talented orchestra...and dedicated chorus. When I think about all of the amazing works I've had the chance to perform, and the cool things I've gotten to do...I'm embarrassed by the pettiness of my complaints about what happens during rehearsal. Ultimately, having to sing next to an under-pitched voice, an uber-vibrato voice, or a harsh-toned voice is worth it. And thankfully, for this concert, I'm surrounded by basses and the only soprano I hear happens to be my favorite person to sing next to-she has a lovely voice, knows the notes, and is very easy for me to blend with. I am blessed, indeed.
**If you want to read my attempts to explain my relationship with music, try here (this one has links to old xanga posts on music, too), or here.**
**If you want to read my attempts to explain my relationship with music, try here (this one has links to old xanga posts on music, too), or here.**
Friday, October 17, 2008
Raise Your Hand if You Can Follow Instructions...
Has anyone else noticed that people in our society can't seem to follow simple instructions? The unfortunate thing about my comment is that I'm not referring to children...but adults. One of the basic things I remember teachers trying to convey in school was the need to follow instructions. Most students seemed to have issues with this in Middle School...but as they went on to High School following directions seemed to become less and less of an issue. I think that process must reverse as people get older...
It seems that one of the consequences of email is that people no longer read anything for detail. When barraged with email after email, I think we get to a point where we skim for pertinent information and ignore details. I find this happens often with emails I send out for training sessions. I have a few sentences bolded and in red in the emails...most importantly "To ensure that you’re able to login to the WebEx session correctly, please attempt to login at least 10 minutes prior to the scheduled time." Well, most people login about 3 minutes late...and then we spend 10 minutes waiting for the session to load on their computer.
Other people that I work with seem to have the same issue with reading emails. I know that I am a fairly detailed person so I usually read for detail...but the unprofessional mistakes that we accept in the business world these days is astounding. Things like spelling errors (we have spellcheck now!), tardiness, missed deadlines, rude comments...I have a feeling these things would not have been acceptable in the business world 20 years ago. Maybe it's just the industry I work in, but it seems to be a common issue.
Anyway, just had to vent about some things that I've experienced today...
It seems that one of the consequences of email is that people no longer read anything for detail. When barraged with email after email, I think we get to a point where we skim for pertinent information and ignore details. I find this happens often with emails I send out for training sessions. I have a few sentences bolded and in red in the emails...most importantly "To ensure that you’re able to login to the WebEx session correctly, please attempt to login at least 10 minutes prior to the scheduled time." Well, most people login about 3 minutes late...and then we spend 10 minutes waiting for the session to load on their computer.
Other people that I work with seem to have the same issue with reading emails. I know that I am a fairly detailed person so I usually read for detail...but the unprofessional mistakes that we accept in the business world these days is astounding. Things like spelling errors (we have spellcheck now!), tardiness, missed deadlines, rude comments...I have a feeling these things would not have been acceptable in the business world 20 years ago. Maybe it's just the industry I work in, but it seems to be a common issue.
Anyway, just had to vent about some things that I've experienced today...
Monday, October 6, 2008
Road Trips
As cranky as I can be when I get home from a roadtrip, I really do enjoy them. There is something very freeing about being alone in the car, on the open road, with an audiobook playing on my iPod. With 6 or more hours in the car to think, I always find I can solve problems, figure out what I think about various issues, and get a healthy perspective on my life.
Thursday evening, I grabbed a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks (yay, Fall!), and hopped on 301 S to Richmond, and then 95 to 85. Once I got into NC, there was a gorgeous crescent moon, sunset, and lovely blue turning to midnight blue sky. Anytime I drive South, I always feel any tension drain out of my shoulders and my head. While my life in South Carolina was somewhat boring, it was not particularly stressful!
Anyway, I enjoy my roadtrips South, and am looking forward to my next one in November.
Thursday evening, I grabbed a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks (yay, Fall!), and hopped on 301 S to Richmond, and then 95 to 85. Once I got into NC, there was a gorgeous crescent moon, sunset, and lovely blue turning to midnight blue sky. Anytime I drive South, I always feel any tension drain out of my shoulders and my head. While my life in South Carolina was somewhat boring, it was not particularly stressful!
Anyway, I enjoy my roadtrips South, and am looking forward to my next one in November.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
October Musings
October is, and really always has been, my favorite month. Warmish days and cool nights, pumpkins, changing leaves, hot coffee, apples, football, concerts...it's just always a great month for me. Also, cool nights let me sleep with my windows open.
As I've written about before, sleeping with my windows open is one of my favorite things to do when it's cool outside. I adore waking up warm and snuggled up under my down comforter while it's chilly outside my window (although this makes getting out of bed particularly difficult!). I also love falling asleep to the "night sounds"...crickets, an occasional owl, cars driving by...those sounds are my favorite lullaby. The window in my room is 5x5 and my bed is right next to it. It's almost like sleeping outside.
As I was lying in bed last night and listening to the night noises, I was thinking about other places where I've essentially slept outside...camping in a tent, camping on a tarp with a sleeping bag, accidentally falling asleep on a couch outside, napping on my parent's screened in porch...but the one I thought about most and hadn't remembered in a long time was going to "sleep-away" camp growing up. For 3 or 4 summers in Elementary School I went to Camp Gravatt- an Episcopal Church camp in Aiken, SC (a few of you who read this blog are former Gravatt-goers, I believe). Anyway, at Camp Gravatt we slept on wooden platforms that had big green canvas tents on top of them. The tents are huge...each one sleeps 8-10 people in metal beds. In the summer during the day, we would roll up the tent flaps to let the air in. If it was a particularly hot evening, we would leave the tent flaps up to sleep. I always loved this...falling asleep listening to the froggies and the crickets with a nice breeze blowing through the air...seeing the lights of the bathhouse in the distance...and waking up to the Bell ringing on the Dining Hall. When it rained, however, we always slept with the flaps tied down tight. Although, one night I fell off my bed, out of the tent onto the ground in the rain, and didn't wake up. This shouldn't surprise those of you who know how hard I sleep...
Anyway, while I was reminiscing last night, I realized that I have mixed feelings about my experiences at Camp Gravatt. My first 2 or 3 summers were great...I had fantastic counselors and loved all of the other girls in my tent. However, my last summer experience tarnished all of the good experiences I had. For some reason, 4 or 5 of the girls in my tent decided not to like me because I wasn't "cool" enough. I was 11, and I think that was the first time in my life that someone didn't like me for essentially no reason. They were mean to me the whole 10 days, hid my stuff, knocked my bed out of the tent...and even told me that I could join their "club" only if I could correctly answer 10 questions about sex (I was 11 for crying out loud!). Anyway, when I think back on that summer, I think it was a turning point for me in relating to other people. Up until then, I hadn't run into very many people who didn't like me...especially for no reason. I think I lost a lot of my innocent views of people and friendships that summer. I stopped being open and friendly. I felt vulnerable, and always wondered if people would like me for who I was. It was an experience I needed to go through, but it was hard. Maybe once I finish processing these thoughts, I'll write more about how my personality and insecurities developed after that experience at some point. It's pretty personal, but I find it cathartic to write my feelings and reflections on this blog. I'm thankful that I've learned what I have so far in my life...and I think that through my experiences, my personality has somewhat gone back to who I was as that 11 year old...with the maturity to understand who I really am and be secure in that.
As I've written about before, sleeping with my windows open is one of my favorite things to do when it's cool outside. I adore waking up warm and snuggled up under my down comforter while it's chilly outside my window (although this makes getting out of bed particularly difficult!). I also love falling asleep to the "night sounds"...crickets, an occasional owl, cars driving by...those sounds are my favorite lullaby. The window in my room is 5x5 and my bed is right next to it. It's almost like sleeping outside.
As I was lying in bed last night and listening to the night noises, I was thinking about other places where I've essentially slept outside...camping in a tent, camping on a tarp with a sleeping bag, accidentally falling asleep on a couch outside, napping on my parent's screened in porch...but the one I thought about most and hadn't remembered in a long time was going to "sleep-away" camp growing up. For 3 or 4 summers in Elementary School I went to Camp Gravatt- an Episcopal Church camp in Aiken, SC (a few of you who read this blog are former Gravatt-goers, I believe). Anyway, at Camp Gravatt we slept on wooden platforms that had big green canvas tents on top of them. The tents are huge...each one sleeps 8-10 people in metal beds. In the summer during the day, we would roll up the tent flaps to let the air in. If it was a particularly hot evening, we would leave the tent flaps up to sleep. I always loved this...falling asleep listening to the froggies and the crickets with a nice breeze blowing through the air...seeing the lights of the bathhouse in the distance...and waking up to the Bell ringing on the Dining Hall. When it rained, however, we always slept with the flaps tied down tight. Although, one night I fell off my bed, out of the tent onto the ground in the rain, and didn't wake up. This shouldn't surprise those of you who know how hard I sleep...
Anyway, while I was reminiscing last night, I realized that I have mixed feelings about my experiences at Camp Gravatt. My first 2 or 3 summers were great...I had fantastic counselors and loved all of the other girls in my tent. However, my last summer experience tarnished all of the good experiences I had. For some reason, 4 or 5 of the girls in my tent decided not to like me because I wasn't "cool" enough. I was 11, and I think that was the first time in my life that someone didn't like me for essentially no reason. They were mean to me the whole 10 days, hid my stuff, knocked my bed out of the tent...and even told me that I could join their "club" only if I could correctly answer 10 questions about sex (I was 11 for crying out loud!). Anyway, when I think back on that summer, I think it was a turning point for me in relating to other people. Up until then, I hadn't run into very many people who didn't like me...especially for no reason. I think I lost a lot of my innocent views of people and friendships that summer. I stopped being open and friendly. I felt vulnerable, and always wondered if people would like me for who I was. It was an experience I needed to go through, but it was hard. Maybe once I finish processing these thoughts, I'll write more about how my personality and insecurities developed after that experience at some point. It's pretty personal, but I find it cathartic to write my feelings and reflections on this blog. I'm thankful that I've learned what I have so far in my life...and I think that through my experiences, my personality has somewhat gone back to who I was as that 11 year old...with the maturity to understand who I really am and be secure in that.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Organization
I've been trying to get my life re-organized for a few weeks now. I'm usually organized to the point of being obnoxious about it...but recently I've just been too busy to care! I think I like to be organized because it lets me feel like I'm in control. When I first moved to Annapolis and lived in an apartment by myself, I was ultra-organized in everything...the apartment, my office, my music for chorale, my schedule, my cooking habits...literally everything! However, I was also spending most of my weekends in the apartment by myself since I didn't know many people yet. I can remember some weekends I would come in from work on Friday evening and not leave again until Monday morning! So, I had plenty of time to keep myself organized...and it was a pleasant diversion from the fact that I was lonely. Now, I'm lucky if I can find the time to clean my bathroom and do laundry...much less alphabetize my music or ensure that my closet is in perfect order.
I'm trying to find a nice balance between being organized enough to make it through a week with minimal stress and being so focused on organization that it is detrimental to my relationships with people. I knew I needed to reform my obsession with organization a few years ago when a friend called to invite me out and I almost said, "I can't...I'm supposed to clean my carpet tonight". Thankfully, I caught myself before the words were out of my mouth!
At the moment however, my life needs a bit of organization. My car is a mess, my bed currently is unmade, I have no idea where half of my clothes in my closet are, the dry cleaning pile contains most of my nicer outfits, and my desk at work has a pile of papers a mile high that need to be thrown away or transferred into outlines. So, I'm going to do what I can to get some of these things back in control!
I'm trying to find a nice balance between being organized enough to make it through a week with minimal stress and being so focused on organization that it is detrimental to my relationships with people. I knew I needed to reform my obsession with organization a few years ago when a friend called to invite me out and I almost said, "I can't...I'm supposed to clean my carpet tonight". Thankfully, I caught myself before the words were out of my mouth!
At the moment however, my life needs a bit of organization. My car is a mess, my bed currently is unmade, I have no idea where half of my clothes in my closet are, the dry cleaning pile contains most of my nicer outfits, and my desk at work has a pile of papers a mile high that need to be thrown away or transferred into outlines. So, I'm going to do what I can to get some of these things back in control!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Busy Week
Well, it's the first concert week of the year which means a busy week for me! Tonight is the only night this week that I don't have a rehearsal or a performance. Add to that a busy training schedule at work, and I'm a little bit in the "Ahhh!" zone. But I'm not complaining...I enjoy being busy so much more than bored...
Of course, for the type of show we're doing this month (Broadway in Concert style...which is really more staged show than concert), much patience is required. The chorus is actually not singing in this show- just a small group of us that make up a "semi-chorus". We don't even have that much to sing...we'll mostly be just moving props on and off the stage as scene-changers. So, during rehearsals there is a lot of sit-around-and-wait time. Our creative side came out last night as we were devising ways to get from place to place on the stage. One idea was wires attached to our waists to magically move us through the air Peter Pan style from one end of the stage to the other. Add parasols and a lovely arabesque and we're Mary Poppinsish. At one point, I looked at a platform across the stage and decided it would work well as a slip-n-slide. I didn't act on that urge, thankfully! As much as I love how my creative side comes out during slow moments, tomorrow I think I'll bring a book...
Of course, for the type of show we're doing this month (Broadway in Concert style...which is really more staged show than concert), much patience is required. The chorus is actually not singing in this show- just a small group of us that make up a "semi-chorus". We don't even have that much to sing...we'll mostly be just moving props on and off the stage as scene-changers. So, during rehearsals there is a lot of sit-around-and-wait time. Our creative side came out last night as we were devising ways to get from place to place on the stage. One idea was wires attached to our waists to magically move us through the air Peter Pan style from one end of the stage to the other. Add parasols and a lovely arabesque and we're Mary Poppinsish. At one point, I looked at a platform across the stage and decided it would work well as a slip-n-slide. I didn't act on that urge, thankfully! As much as I love how my creative side comes out during slow moments, tomorrow I think I'll bring a book...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
At Peace
(The above is a photo taken on our last night in Maine by my friend Jean)
I feel at peace with the world. Not that too many of you knew I wasn't at peace...for some reason I kept the feeling to myself for a few weeks. I think it was a combination of end-of-summer blues (though I don't know why...I don't really love summer), end-of-vacation blues, feeling inadequate while watching Olympic athletes, and perhaps some apprehension about the triathlon.
The triathlon is over, and I did better than I could have anticipated! I was under my goal time, which really amazed me. More on the triathlon later...I'm still waiting on a few photos from the event (and all blogs are better with photos!).
Chorus rehearsals have started again, and while that does signal the end of summer, I'm glad to get back into a routine. Grabbing a coffee before rehearsal last night and sitting in a familiar place felt right to me. I guess this just proves what a creature of habit I really am!
Anyway, I'm happy that I feel right with the world again...just in time for my favorite season....Fall!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Globalization
A year or so ago I picked up Thomas Friedman's acclaimed book, The World is Flat. Unfortunately, I put it down (probably to pick up some trashy novel with no substance) and now I can't find it. I'd really love to finish it. Anyway, it's all about globalization and the effect us Westerners are having on the world.
I was thinking about globalization last night as I was on an online training with some clients from Asia. It amazes me that I can be sitting in my kitchen at 9PM at night (in my pjs), showing people from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Australia how to use an internet-based software. What amazes me even more is that even without body language, they were able to understand an ordinary 20-something Southern girl enough to ask good questions and actually understand what I was teaching.
As mind-boggling as that is, my situation last night is pretty much par for the course when it comes to business these days. Almost everything is global. Just look at Beijing...and how westernized it has become in the past few years...especially for the Olympics. Yet, 3/4 of China probably still doesn't know who Michael Phelps is (incidentally, if you want a laugh, read this story from the Onion). In the US, only those who live in a cave haven't seen his face plastered everywhere.
I wonder, though...with so many cultures adopting some form of Western culture (ok...and a lot of US culture), are we going to end up as one big homogenized world? I fear losing some of the amazing traditions that have been cultivated and preserved in countries like China. Being so different is part of what makes us human.
Anyway...I could write more on this topic, but it could take hours! It just struck me last night during that training how "globalized" our world is becoming.
I was thinking about globalization last night as I was on an online training with some clients from Asia. It amazes me that I can be sitting in my kitchen at 9PM at night (in my pjs), showing people from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Australia how to use an internet-based software. What amazes me even more is that even without body language, they were able to understand an ordinary 20-something Southern girl enough to ask good questions and actually understand what I was teaching.
As mind-boggling as that is, my situation last night is pretty much par for the course when it comes to business these days. Almost everything is global. Just look at Beijing...and how westernized it has become in the past few years...especially for the Olympics. Yet, 3/4 of China probably still doesn't know who Michael Phelps is (incidentally, if you want a laugh, read this story from the Onion). In the US, only those who live in a cave haven't seen his face plastered everywhere.
I wonder, though...with so many cultures adopting some form of Western culture (ok...and a lot of US culture), are we going to end up as one big homogenized world? I fear losing some of the amazing traditions that have been cultivated and preserved in countries like China. Being so different is part of what makes us human.
Anyway...I could write more on this topic, but it could take hours! It just struck me last night during that training how "globalized" our world is becoming.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Musical Musings
A non-musical person asked me the other day, "So when will I get to attend a concert somewhere and hear you sing a solo?". I laughed. "Hopefully never," I replied. You see, I hate singing by myself in front of a group in a non-casual setting. I hate auditions. Anything that requires me to sing by myself. I'm self-conscious that way. My non-musical friend was somewhat taken aback. "So you don't aspire to be a "real" singer and sing by yourself? Then why do you sing, especially in a chorus where you get no glory?" Why do I sing?? Ha! Why wouldn't I sing? I love to sing. I love music. I get to perform some of the most amazing music ever created without the nerve factor playing a part.
It never occurred to me that people don't understand the idea of choral singing. It's not about standing out or being a star, but making a beautiful sound with others. Sticking out is usually a bad thing.
I don't aspire to be anything more than a choral singer. Would I love to have the voice of Anna Netrebko and get the glory she does? Of course (and while I'm at it I'll take her face and non-pregnant body, too!). But, I know my limitations...and singing by myself is one of them. Not to say that I don't or wouldn't sound good singing by myself, but the nervous process of getting there is not worth it for me.
Some have suggested voice lessons to get rid of the nerves. That might help, but I still don't want to be a soloist. I think I would still enjoy making music with others rather than singing alone. I'd like to take voice lessons to improve my technique for singing in general, but not to sing on my own. Also, voice lessons require a thick skin (which I don't always have), and patience. Often when one begins lessons, there is an awkward transition where your voice sounds yucko as you are deconstructing bad habits to then build good ones. I'm not sure if I want to go through that...although I know the finished product will hopefully be worth it in the end. Maybe voice lessons should be my project for next summer.
For now, I'll enjoy singing in a chorus and having fun!
It never occurred to me that people don't understand the idea of choral singing. It's not about standing out or being a star, but making a beautiful sound with others. Sticking out is usually a bad thing.
I don't aspire to be anything more than a choral singer. Would I love to have the voice of Anna Netrebko and get the glory she does? Of course (and while I'm at it I'll take her face and non-pregnant body, too!). But, I know my limitations...and singing by myself is one of them. Not to say that I don't or wouldn't sound good singing by myself, but the nervous process of getting there is not worth it for me.
Some have suggested voice lessons to get rid of the nerves. That might help, but I still don't want to be a soloist. I think I would still enjoy making music with others rather than singing alone. I'd like to take voice lessons to improve my technique for singing in general, but not to sing on my own. Also, voice lessons require a thick skin (which I don't always have), and patience. Often when one begins lessons, there is an awkward transition where your voice sounds yucko as you are deconstructing bad habits to then build good ones. I'm not sure if I want to go through that...although I know the finished product will hopefully be worth it in the end. Maybe voice lessons should be my project for next summer.
For now, I'll enjoy singing in a chorus and having fun!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sleep
As many people have found in their lives, sleep can be quite a mystery. Why do we have a hard time sleeping when we are exhausted? How can too much sleep make us tired during the day? Why are dreams so strange?
Anyway, I've been thinking about sleep a lot recently- mostly because my sleep patterns have been a bit out of the ordinary for me in the past few weeks. Over the past few years, I've gotten into a pretty consistent 11 PM-7 AM sleep schedule. When that is interupted, I tend to struggle (as an aside- I know my mommy friends are laughing right now when I talk about interupted sleep...yes, yes, I know if I have kids I'll wish for the days that getting only 6 hours of sleep makes me exausted...but for now as a single gal with few responsibilities, I've got to comment on it!). Monday night, I was up late after rehearsal chatting. Then Tuesday night, I was exhausted from going all day, running 4 miles, and having a 2 hour rehearsal. I managed to get into bed early, but couldn't fall asleep! It was terrible- Wednesday became such an exhausting day for me! Thankfully, last night I slept like a rock.
I just find it interesting that I used to survive on 6 hours a night or less...and be fine. Now, one night of 6 hours throws me off for days! I experienced the same thing at our Users' Conference 2 weeks ago.
When I sleep, I also have super-vivid dreams. They can be quite entertaining, and quite disturbing. I find many desires and fears revealed in my dreams. Which makes sense because dreams are supposedly our subconcious minds communicating with our conscious minds.
So there you have it- what's been on my brain for the past few days....Sleep. :)
Anyway, I've been thinking about sleep a lot recently- mostly because my sleep patterns have been a bit out of the ordinary for me in the past few weeks. Over the past few years, I've gotten into a pretty consistent 11 PM-7 AM sleep schedule. When that is interupted, I tend to struggle (as an aside- I know my mommy friends are laughing right now when I talk about interupted sleep...yes, yes, I know if I have kids I'll wish for the days that getting only 6 hours of sleep makes me exausted...but for now as a single gal with few responsibilities, I've got to comment on it!). Monday night, I was up late after rehearsal chatting. Then Tuesday night, I was exhausted from going all day, running 4 miles, and having a 2 hour rehearsal. I managed to get into bed early, but couldn't fall asleep! It was terrible- Wednesday became such an exhausting day for me! Thankfully, last night I slept like a rock.
I just find it interesting that I used to survive on 6 hours a night or less...and be fine. Now, one night of 6 hours throws me off for days! I experienced the same thing at our Users' Conference 2 weeks ago.
When I sleep, I also have super-vivid dreams. They can be quite entertaining, and quite disturbing. I find many desires and fears revealed in my dreams. Which makes sense because dreams are supposedly our subconcious minds communicating with our conscious minds.
So there you have it- what's been on my brain for the past few days....Sleep. :)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Night Noises, Slow Orders, and Tennis in HD
As I was lying in bed last night before I fell asleep, I heard a boat horn. When I first moved into my house, I used to hear boat horns at night and wonder if that really was what I was hearing. I guess I didn't realize how close I am to the water! I love the noises that I hear at night when I have my window open- boat horns, the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, the wind chime on the deck outside, the foghorn when it's foggy...
One night Maureen and I both swore that we heard a train whistle. It was nothing like a boat horn. Believe me, growing up hearing a train outside every night gives me knowledge of the difference! We still haven't figured out what we heard- whether it was a boat horn that is made to sound like a train whistle or something else. I suppose that can be our ongoing Edgewood mystery.
I was in the drive-thru line at Chick-Fil-A this morning and got really frustrated at people who take forever to order! 2 minutes is really ridiculous for ordering breakfast. Of course, talking on a cell phone and trying to order at the same time are not recommended. That doesn't seem to stop anyone around here...
I've been spending my lunch time this week in front of the 50inch HDTV in my office building. French Open tennis is on, and there's nothing like watching it in Hi-Def while sitting on a comfy leather couch that smells good. I wish I could transport our little tv area at the office to my house! I like that the French Open and Wimbledon are 5-6 hours ahead of us....all the good matches come on during the lunch hour!
One night Maureen and I both swore that we heard a train whistle. It was nothing like a boat horn. Believe me, growing up hearing a train outside every night gives me knowledge of the difference! We still haven't figured out what we heard- whether it was a boat horn that is made to sound like a train whistle or something else. I suppose that can be our ongoing Edgewood mystery.
I was in the drive-thru line at Chick-Fil-A this morning and got really frustrated at people who take forever to order! 2 minutes is really ridiculous for ordering breakfast. Of course, talking on a cell phone and trying to order at the same time are not recommended. That doesn't seem to stop anyone around here...
I've been spending my lunch time this week in front of the 50inch HDTV in my office building. French Open tennis is on, and there's nothing like watching it in Hi-Def while sitting on a comfy leather couch that smells good. I wish I could transport our little tv area at the office to my house! I like that the French Open and Wimbledon are 5-6 hours ahead of us....all the good matches come on during the lunch hour!
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