October Musings

October is, and really always has been, my favorite month. Warmish days and cool nights, pumpkins, changing leaves, hot coffee, apples, football, concerts...it's just always a great month for me. Also, cool nights let me sleep with my windows open.

As I've written about before, sleeping with my windows open is one of my favorite things to do when it's cool outside. I adore waking up warm and snuggled up under my down comforter while it's chilly outside my window (although this makes getting out of bed particularly difficult!). I also love falling asleep to the "night sounds"...crickets, an occasional owl, cars driving by...those sounds are my favorite lullaby. The window in my room is 5x5 and my bed is right next to it. It's almost like sleeping outside.

As I was lying in bed last night and listening to the night noises, I was thinking about other places where I've essentially slept outside...camping in a tent, camping on a tarp with a sleeping bag, accidentally falling asleep on a couch outside, napping on my parent's screened in porch...but the one I thought about most and hadn't remembered in a long time was going to "sleep-away" camp growing up. For 3 or 4 summers in Elementary School I went to Camp Gravatt- an Episcopal Church camp in Aiken, SC (a few of you who read this blog are former Gravatt-goers, I believe). Anyway, at Camp Gravatt we slept on wooden platforms that had big green canvas tents on top of them. The tents are huge...each one sleeps 8-10 people in metal beds. In the summer during the day, we would roll up the tent flaps to let the air in. If it was a particularly hot evening, we would leave the tent flaps up to sleep. I always loved this...falling asleep listening to the froggies and the crickets with a nice breeze blowing through the air...seeing the lights of the bathhouse in the distance...and waking up to the Bell ringing on the Dining Hall. When it rained, however, we always slept with the flaps tied down tight. Although, one night I fell off my bed, out of the tent onto the ground in the rain, and didn't wake up. This shouldn't surprise those of you who know how hard I sleep...

Anyway, while I was reminiscing last night, I realized that I have mixed feelings about my experiences at Camp Gravatt. My first 2 or 3 summers were great...I had fantastic counselors and loved all of the other girls in my tent. However, my last summer experience tarnished all of the good experiences I had. For some reason, 4 or 5 of the girls in my tent decided not to like me because I wasn't "cool" enough. I was 11, and I think that was the first time in my life that someone didn't like me for essentially no reason. They were mean to me the whole 10 days, hid my stuff, knocked my bed out of the tent...and even told me that I could join their "club" only if I could correctly answer 10 questions about sex (I was 11 for crying out loud!). Anyway, when I think back on that summer, I think it was a turning point for me in relating to other people. Up until then, I hadn't run into very many people who didn't like me...especially for no reason. I think I lost a lot of my innocent views of people and friendships that summer. I stopped being open and friendly. I felt vulnerable, and always wondered if people would like me for who I was. It was an experience I needed to go through, but it was hard. Maybe once I finish processing these thoughts, I'll write more about how my personality and insecurities developed after that experience at some point. It's pretty personal, but I find it cathartic to write my feelings and reflections on this blog. I'm thankful that I've learned what I have so far in my life...and I think that through my experiences, my personality has somewhat gone back to who I was as that 11 year old...with the maturity to understand who I really am and be secure in that.